I Am Enough

Last year, as a new year's resolution I posted this blog post. In it I discussed how, instead of making new year's resolutions, I wanted to make monthly resolutions. I honestly forgot about them about halfway through the year, but looking back at that post and reading over it tonight struck me for a couple of reasons. As a refresher... Here's what I had.
I am.....
Productive
Kind
Talented
Patient
Brave
Spiritual
Adventurous
Strong
Joyful
Charitable
Thankful
Enough

January: I am Productive. I caught up on my grading, I tried not to stay at work too late doing pointless things, I kept up on my housework, etc. I was going to start this year strong!

February: I am Kind. I tried to respond more nicely to my students (I had a very frustrating class last year, and recognized my impatience with them.) I prayed for my hardest students, and tried to be more service-oriented.

March: I am Talented. I tried to learn a few new songs on the guitar, and practiced the piano more, to grow my talents a bit.

April: I am Patient. I think this is actually where I forgot to actively try for these goals each month. But honestly, every day of last school year was a lesson in patience. I think this is always something I can put more effort into, though. I am a notoriously impatient person when it comes to the smaller, inconsequential things.


May: I am Brave. I don't know that I did anything particularly brave this month, other than finishing what had been the hardest school year of my life up until this point. I feel like that requires a certain amount of bravery. Hahaha.

June: I am Spiritual. I remembered about these goals for a bit, and tried to focus on my scripture reading. I did pretty well for a little bit! This is one life goal that is always up and down for me.

July: I am Adventurous. I vacationed to Mexico, I parasailed, paddle boarded, and tried to make the most of my summer by making other small and random trips. I tried to be more open in my relationships, and had some undesirable adventures, mostly via bad dating experiences. But I learned a lot about myself, even though some of it led to painful learning experiences. 

--- Ok, starting about here I am not actively focused on these goals anymore, it is all retrospect and hindsight from here. 
August: I am Strong. Holy cow, I did not realize how much I would actually need to recognize my strength that month. That was one of the lowest months of my life up until that point! Thankfully I had AMAZING friends and roommates that helped me talk through my mess of emotions and remind me that I am strong. I am capable. And I am better than I give myself credit for.

September: I am Joyful. I was so joyful! I started dating someone. He was everything I thought I ever wanted. He was kind, chivalrous, and loved me when I felt scarred and completely unlovable. He pulled me from the depths of despair (if you can name that movie, we are kindred spirits). I fell for him so hard and so fast. I told him I loved him (in case you didn't know, that word is terrifying!) And it was a first for me. I was smitten, giddy, and happier than I think I ever had been.

October: I am Charitable. I probably didn't do as well with this as I could have, at least as far as serving everyone around me, but I did love providing for the person I was dating. I loved finding little ways to surprise him, and make his day better. I was the best girlfriend! (Self-proclaimed, but still, right? Haha.) Later we talked about this, and he did not feel that I was very service-oriented during the time we dated because I did not reach out to people in the ward. Honestly, I probably was a bit self-absorbed and lost in the moment, but I was just so over-the-moon happy with my life that I didn't care to look outside of it.

November: I am Thankful. I thought this was appropriate for November. It is easy to find the things you are grateful for around Thanksgiving time. This particular Thanksgiving, I was so wrapped up in my relationship, which honestly had started to get rocky by this point. We had been talking marriage (don't judge me for going so fast. Or do, because it's not really anyone's choice but mine anyway...) but his family was not on board. I had never been disliked by the family of anyone I was dating, and it killed me that it was coming from the family of the person that I wanted to marry! I felt unaccepted, and incompetent, because I couldn't figure out how to fix things, and I wanted nothing more than to be able to do that. There were so. many. teary-eyed nights. So. many. breakdowns that my roomates had to listen to and try to comfort me through. (Thank you, roomies. You are seriously the best, and I am so grateful for you!) But I pushed on with the relationship, because I am stubborn, and determined, and thought it was what was best for me.

December: I am Enough. Again, I was not actively focusing on these goals. Oh, how I should have been! I had lost myself completely in the hardships of life, in wallowing in work troubles, and most of all, in relationship drama. It was overwhelming! It took me 4 months or so after my relationship ended to realize this. Heck, I barely realized this a few weeks ago! I loved that he loved me. I loved who I thought I was going to become with his help. I loved what I thought he saw in me. I did not recognize the constant, every day stress I was feeling with trying to live up to what I thought his expectations were. I am not trying to pin everything on him, or blame him for anything. I still have respect for him, and think he is a wonderful person, but I think that I had misconstrued what he wanted from me, or who I needed to be for him. I think my efforts to make him happy and salvage things became unrealistic, and too much for me to keep up with, and it was incredibly unhealthy for my feelings of self-worth.

Now, moving forward, as 2018 is almost halfway over (what??) I have learned SO MUCH about myself. In this post about January I talked about how hard that month was. My relationship ended, and I completely fell apart. I had put ALL of my time and effort the last 4 months or so into building that relationship, and I no longer knew who I was without the promise of where I thought my future was going. I didn't know how to handle everything I was going through at work (and it was a lot) without someone to come home and vent to, or cuddle with, or cry on. So I cried by myself. A LOT. I didn't know what to do without the constant reassurance that someone loved me, and cared how my day went (I have amazing family and friends who I know would have provided this for me, but I was feeling my loss too much to recognize that fully at the time). I felt like, between work and my personal life, that I had lost everything good about my life all at once, and didn't know what to carry on for, or where to find the strength to do it. So I put my happy face on, and I struggled through one day at a time. I quickly realized that I needed to learn to love myself again without the love of a significant other as validation. I needed to learn to recognize the things about myself that are unique and awesome. I needed to realize that I am a masterpiece all by myself - that I am competent, and worthy of love and respect, and strong in and of myself, not because someone else built me up or made me feel that way. 

I have focused so much these past few months on doing what I need to do for me. My relationships do not define me, nor will they ever again. I have learned to put me first - because you cannot build others up, or even live a productive and healthy life until your life is in order. In an effort to pick myself up I ate all my favorite things without anyone telling me they were unhealthy. I bought whatever I wanted (within reason) because I was only providing for myself for the foreseeable future. I watched as much TV as I wanted without anyone telling me I needed to go out and be active. I went on an expensive vacation, which is usually not something I will justify spending lots of money on, but was much needed. I jumped on a cruise ship and fled the country. I visited Mexico, Honduras, and Belize. I didn't talk to children, I took lots of pictures, I made new friends, I enjoyed my own company, and I just let myself be Me! It had been a long time since I was unapolagetically me, without anyone else in mind. And you know what?? All of these things helped me to heal. Almost 6 months after my world came crashing down around me, I can say that I LOVE my life again. I love who I am. I love where I am. I love what I have accomplished. I am not scared of my choices or insecure about my faults anymore. I am just Me. And I AM ENOUGH! Please, know that you are too. :)
❤, Meagan

Attitude of Gratitude! 2015

It's been a little while since I have posted (says every blog post I have ever written). I wanted to take a minute today to reflect on the things in my life that are wonderful. I really do have a lot of them, even if they're hard to notice sometimes.

I did an activity with my students this week where we wrote things that we are grateful for on little leaf cutouts and put them up all around the classroom. I had so much fun reading all of the things that they are grateful for, and now the classroom looks so festive and colorful! Here is a comprehensive list of all the things that they mentioned - spelling and grammar not corrected, and multiples included. 

Food

My family

My food

I am thankful for my friends

For holiday

I am thankful for a dog. And a bed.

Frends

My food and football

I am greatful for a dog, family, and a house with food

Toys

My life

Food and drinks espicily Spite

Clothes

Food

I am thankful for a house

Family

For money

Gardens

Im thankfull for basketball

Im thankfull for my family

Close (clothes)

Im thankfull for close

God

Really, look! It says God! 4 said God and one said allah. I loved it. :)

For family

I am thankfull for food

Food

Family

Family

I am thankful for my dog

Helping mis Jarding

Clothes

God

Help my mom

Food

My mom

And clen up my room

Gods (pretty sure they meant God)

Helping other pepol

Im thankful for food

Amimal’s

I thankful for everything

I am thankful for my family

Family

My house

Clothes house

Food

Family

My dad

Life

Gods

Dogs

Food

I’m thanckfull for food

I’m thanckfull for my dog

I’m thanckfull for my cat.

I’m thanckfull for my famley.

Food

Family and shoes

My family

Drinks and clothes

Parents

Pencils

Tree

House

Food

Games

My home

Shet (I don't think this is supposed to be naughty, but I have no idea what it is really supposed to say. Any ideas??)

I am thankful for piling up leaves with cousins and my brother. And eating junk food with them.

I’m thankful for my Aunt for cooking the turkey and having us over.

I’m thankful for football season.

I’m so thankful for hanging out with cousins.

I’m thankful 4 my family

I’m thankful 4 Ms. Jardine (bonus points for her!)

I’m thankful for being a muslim. (I loved this one. I have some cool cultures in my class)

I’m thankful for allah.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

I am thankful for sweet students, and the reminder to be appreciative of the little things, like pencils, leaf piles, and trees. I LOVE my job this year. I love my school, because I actually feel appreciated. I love my co-workers, and I love my students because they respect me. They are kind to each other, and make me feel so important and loved! I have just been waiting for a school year that I would enjoy as much as this one.

Now I know you have all been wondering what I contributed to our wall of gratitude leaves. Here are mine, which are maybe slightly less inspirational than my students':

My students loved the junk food one (my new girl that I got on Monday informed me that I am addicted to Dr. Pepper on only the 2nd day of her being in my class. Has this reached problem status yet?? Haha) They also questioned me on the cats one. Notice that none of them wrote cats on theirs, but there are several that say dogs. I am a little outnumbered! 

Anyway... Some things that I did not list that I am grateful for (because... you know, separation of church and state and whatnot) include: The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, and a Heavenly Father that comforts, watches over me and makes sure that I am not alone during my most difficult trials. I do love my life, and the Gospel that I am privileged to be a part of.

My friend sent me a quote about gratitude the other day. Here it is: "Gratitude is a mark of a noble soul and a refined character. We like to be around those who are grateful. They tend to brighten all around them. They make others feel better about themselves. They tend to be more humble, more joyful, more likable."
He said that I am this type of person and it made my day, because I have felt like a bit of a downer and a whiner lately. I think this is a great reminder that you are usually doing better than you feel you are. I know that this quote speaks truth. Thank you so much to each of you that have been a bright spot and support in my life. Keep it up! Continue to brighten those around you, and be that likable person. The world is a better place because of you. :) 

Happy Thanksgiving!
♥, Meagan

Teaching, Round Two!

As an intern I was required to keep a weekly reflection journal. In trying to psych myself up for school starting again tomorrow I read the positive note I left last school year on. (It's easy to be positive when summer is staring you in the face and it's full of endless possibilities. Like sleep. Yeah, I was mostly just excited about sleeping.) Anyway... It was really great to read through this and be reminded of some of the specific reasons why I love this job so much. 

"As demanding, difficult, and utterly exhausting as this year was… It reaffirmed my love for this career. I love teaching. I love being that extra influence in a child’s life. I love being the reason that they know something as basic as multiplication, or cursive for the rest of their lives. I love celebrating small achievements with them. I love knowing that I changed their lives and helped them to grow not only academically, but in character as well. I love seizing every teaching moment, and opening children’s eyes to the world around them. I love inspiring them to be better; to love learning and to love reading. I love when a child calls me “teacher” instead of my name. I love it because I am proud to be a teacher. I love when a child accidentally calls me “mom”, then gets all embarrassed. I love silly stories and jokes that don’t make sense. I love pretending things aren't funny because they’re inappropriate, then telling my friends all about it later. I love laughing with my students until none of us can breathe, and bringing it up weeks later. I even love the bad days, because they make the good ones that much more special.

I am so excited for a fresh start with a new class, and at a new school. I will miss Riverton Elementary and all of the amazing experiences that I had here. But after this year… I honestly feel like I can handle whatever next year throws at me."

I loved reading back over this, because I am now nervous for this fresh start. I am nervous for a new school, a new team, and not having the fallback of my BYU mentor teacher when I need her. I am nervous for new curriculum and methods. But at the same time I am so excited for this. I am excited to only be a teacher. Being a student simultaneously was so difficult! I am excited for first impressions, and to start new with new students that haven't had a chance to frazzle me yet. I am excited that I am not a first-year teacher anymore, and am confident enough, even at the beginning of the school year, to contribute in team meetings. I am excited that the first-year teachers look up to me and are coming to me for help. I am excited that the veteran teachers are coming to me for fresh ideas. I am just excited. I have missed teaching. Ask me again in a few weeks, and I might tell you a different story. But for the time being...? Bring on year 2!! :)
♥, Meagan

Teaching is...

I wrote this way back in September to answer some interview questions a friend of mine had about being a first year teacher. It is interesting to re-read what I wrote as a wide-eyed, fairly fresh intern. I still share many of these same sentiments but I have accomplished so much and come so far since then! 

...

I chose to teach because I wanted a career that would feel rewarding. I see every day the difference that I am making in these kids' lives. I also wanted something that I knew I would never get tired of. Teaching is new and different every day. I never feel like things are routine and boring, because there are always things to be done, questions to be answered, and fires to be put out. It definitely keeps me jumping. When I got to BYU I almost talked myself out of it, thinking that I was just following a childhood dream, and not something that I still wanted to do. I thought about many different paths, but all of them led back to kids. I thought about psychology, and child counseling, I thought about school psychology, I thought about social work in the schools, and finally realized that my passion was with children and helping them to have the best future possible. The natural choice after that felt like teaching.

The thing I love most about teaching is the look on a kid's face when they finally understand a tough concept. I also love knowing that I personally am responsible for teaching kids super basic concepts like multiplication and division. These basic things that we know how to do, that we take for granted, and that are such an integral part of our lives...? They know those things because of me. I love knowing that I am making a difference in not only these kids' lives, but in every life that they are going to touch as well. I love the teachable moments that aren't necessarily academic ones. I love those moments where I am not just teaching them about math, social studies, writing... but also about life. I love knowing that I am teaching life lessons and showing them how to be not only good students, but good people. And I honestly love being their crying shoulder, knowing that they love and trust me enough to clue me into the more personal parts of their lives.
A specific example of this may be the other day when one of my boys was being so bad all day. He would not listen, he was talking back, and being openly defiant of me. I dealt with it all day until afternoon recess when I pulled him aside as the others were leaving to question him about his behavior. I asked him if he was being very respectful, to which he replied "no." I asked him why, and he said "Because I'm angry!" I asked him why he was angry and he said "because my dad won't talk to me!" At this point he just broke down crying. I was very grateful that I had asked him what was going on rather than simply reprimanding him, because that would have made the situation worse. Instead I told him I am so sorry that he and his dad are fighting, but that he should not treat other people badly when they are not the ones that he is angry with. Moments like these are powerful teaching moments, and I am glad that I can be there to be that positive example that kids need.
I think one of the hardest aspects of teaching, honestly, is pleasing every parent. Things that work for one kid don't necessarily work for another. I have one child in my class that is severely ADHD and the family refuses to medicate him. That is their personal decision, but as a result, I feel like I am giving this particular child way more attention than is fair to the others, because I am always having to attend to some inappropriate behavior or checking that he is on task or even attempting to get his work done. I have tried countless strategies with him, and I just feel like no matter how hard I try, I am just not getting him where he needs to be. I had been trying to get ahold of his parents for a few weeks and they were not responding. Realizing that I wasn't going to get any help here, I decided to try collaborating with his past teachers, and with some of the other 3rd grade teachers at my school. After this I finally felt like I had some good ideas, and was trying to put them into practice. That very day his father called me, terribly upset that I had been communicating with the mother instead of him, and got mad at me for nobody communicating with him about his son. He was upset that I was sending his kid to one-on-one reading instruction with a reading aid and claimed that "it should not take more than one person to educate his child." He was also upset with some of his sons behavior problems that I "could not control", informed me that I must not be strict enough, and because I was getting reading help for his child and could not eliminate his behavior problems that I was "obviously not doing my job right." He attributed this to my first year teacher status. He was very rude, and his comments quite uncalled for. He raised his voice with me and gave me an earful for 10 minutes, and then hung up without letting me come back with anything or try to get to the bottom of things and figure anything out. After this phone call, he decided to give the principal a call and let him know exactly what he thought of me and my methods. The principal sided with me, but it was still an emotional experience for me. Negative parent contact is the worst, especially when they do not try to actually see the full picture. You can only do so much for a child, and when you feel like you are truly trying your best, giving it every effort you can, and the parents are still not pleased, that's when it gets tough. Parents do know their children better than their teachers do, that is not even a question. But.. Parents do not know how to teach like teachers do. They have not had 4+ years of training for it.  Along those lines, I don't know how to parent like they do. We each have our specialties, and I believe that they should stay separate.
Now that I am actually teaching, I think I am more confident in my abilities as a whole. Lesson planning and grading, and everything like that is tough and incredibly time consuming, but it is not as challenging as I anticipated. However, when it comes to reaching each individual student, I think I am slightly less confident. I did not anticipate such a wide range of abilities all in one classroom. Sure, they are all the same age and in the same grade, but I teach 3rd grade and I have students in my class at anywhere from a 1st grade reading/writing level to a 5th. It is tough to make sure that my instruction is developmentally appropriate for every child. I don't want to lose my lower kids, but I do not want to bore my higher kids. There are also those kids that will ask for help when they don't understand, as well as other students who will silently struggle. They will never approach me or ask for help with anything, because they are either too shy to talk to the teacher/authority figure, or simply don't want me to know that they are struggling. Because of this, finding that balance and making accommodations for every child is a huge challenge.
I think that my teacher program was fairly effective in teaching me how to teach, in theory. It taught me all of the needed content knowledge, and many helpful strategies. However, I think that something as all-encompassing as actually teaching really only comes with sustained practice. I did have hands-on opportunities. I did 2 month-long practicums, but that was in someone else's classroom. I was only teaching a few lessons a day. I was responsible for the grading for those lessons, but that was it. Now I am in charge of everything! Grading, planning (for all day, every day), parent communication, and really, truly knowing as much as possible about each kid and where they are/should be academically, emotionally, and socially. My hardest struggle with my first year of teaching is classroom management. This is something that I am constantly being encouraged to improve on. I had a 3 credit class my junior year at BYU called "Classroom Management", and I got tons of great ideas from it, but once again- this is definitely something that you really just learn by doing. In practicums I used someone else's management system. The kids were already used to it, so they responded to it. Coming up with my own and successfully implementing it has been difficult.
I fully believe that teaching is a profession. Obviously I'm a bit biased, but I can't stand when people say it is not. Teaching is a career that requires specialized training. Not just a few months, but at least 4 years of it. It is one of the fastest-changing fields, so it requires professional development and training quite often. Teachers need to stay up to date on new technologies, and the ever-changing new and best practices. Teaching is also a job that isn't just a job. It's my whole life. I am at school from 7:30 to 6 almost every day and after that I take things home with me to grade and plan. Work does not stay at work. When that much of your life is devoted to something that you've trained so hard for I would definitely call it a profession.
Teaching is being busier and more stressed than you ever thought possible, but so rewarding.
...

I see every day what a difference I am making in these children's lives. Not only in their academic abilities, but their life skills as well. Regardless of tough situations and a tough class, I really have loved this year and I love this profession. :)
♥, Meagan

Dear Grandma and Grandpa . . .

(This blog post is from the beginning of October. Apparently I forgot to post it, because I found it hanging out in my drafts.)

..………………………………………………...

We learned the proper format for writing letters this week. Ones like these remind me why I wanted to teach.

Dear Grandma & Grandpa
how are you doing I love you. I am likeing 3rd grade! my teachers names miss Jardine, she is nice.
I hope you are great! I leaned multition, and divition. we leaned cusive, letters, and Riverton,.
you are a good grandma and grandpa! what was your favorite grade?
will you please write Back?

Dear Grandma and Grandpa,
     Hello! How are you doing? I am doing great and in third grade I am learning so much stuff! I love learning.
     In third grade I have a really nice teacher. We have learnd a lot from her and that is why we are really smart and know everything in third grade. We have learned about area, proper nouns, multiplication and division. We have learned so much from the best teacher ever. At home I like to read and play piano. I love it.
     I have some questions. How old are you. When can I come over to your house and What is your favorite color. please write me back

And then, there's this one...

Dear Granma and Grandpa,
Hello! How ar you? I am oing good I miss you. I hope we well see echuther soon
My sub is (_____) and she is mean. My teacher is mean     I think we shold be oof track we Hav to wat this weak and two mor. I am doing good at Hom
well you wight me back please


Guess who my little toughie is? Oh well. You can't please them all. But I really do love this teaching gig. :)
♥, Meagan

I Can't Complain!

Wow. Saying that this internship would keep me busy was an understatement. This internship is my LIFE! I get to school around 7:30 every morning, then stay until 6 every night when the janitor makes me go home. Then I lug a bunch of papers and notebooks and things to grade home with me and do that most of the night. And when I finally do get the chance to be social... What do I talk about? School. This happened, and this student said this, and oh my goodness I have to get this done... Sheesh. It's consumed me. Don't get me wrong, I really love this job. But it is so hard! I really miss having a life outside of school.

I have decided that nothing is harder than teaching while sick. This last week has been so taxing. I have been trying to get over a cold for about a week and a half now. Last Saturday was the worst of it. I got to sleep in until 9 (I love how that is sleeping in for me now), woke up coughing so hard I couldn't breathe, begged Samantha to take me to the store for cough drops and a Jamba Juice, then watched a bit of TV before deciding that after being up for a whopping 3 hours I needed a nap. I was in and out of bed all day (mostly in), before begging my dad to make me soup, and finally calling my facilitator around 6:30 to freak out about how I hadn't been able to get any lesson planning done yet. I sort of broke down on the phone (so embarrassing), at which she basically told me to go to bed and try again the next day. Normally my whole weeks' worth of lesson plans would be due Monday morning by 8am, but she took pity on my and said to just get Monday done and we could take it a day at a time. I was grateful, but not being ahead of the game stresses me out. Also, I knew that I was being observed for my JPAS (Jordan District teacher observation system where the principal randomly comes in twice in a week-ish time frame to observe your teaching)... and I had an inkling that it was going to be on Monday. So Monday I got out of bed, forced myself to school, and put on a brave, although still coughing, face. I survived my observation that day, switching classrooms the next (again- yay for the track change being in the middle of the week instead of on Fridays like usual...), and another observation Thursday afternoon. This week was the hardest week of my life, I swear it. But I made it through, and I'm pretty positive that I can handle whatever else this internship will throw at me.

I promise more details later. Every day is a new and exciting experience; for better or for worse. I am not short on stories, but I am definitely short on time to write them all down.

With all the ups and downs I feel like this song should be my life motto right about now. It just rings so true to this whole internship thing! Enjoy. :)

"I know some days I'm gonna stumble, and I know the cookie's gonna crumble, and I know life is gonna suck some days... But I can't complain!"

In conclusion: As exhausting and difficult as this experience has been so far, every single time one of my students says something nice about me or gives me a hug, I just melt. It reminds me why I wanted to do this in the first place, and shows me that even when I feel like giving up I am making a difference!!

So, with that in mind: Life is beautiful!... Mostly.
♥, Meagan

Beautiful/Crazy/Busy/Amazing!

I guess I lied about writing once a week. I'm sort of going crazy with all this internship stuff. On the bright side... Somebody needed advice on their own planning yesterday and asked me for help because I seem so on top of things! That was a confidence booster. :) However, right now all I am doing is procrastinating. That's when I get really good at writing in my blog. ;)

The other day I was doing some stats on my internship so far.
I have currently spent about $100 of my own money getting ready for it,
I have spent 7.5 hours (if you count time of people helping me) just cutting out lamination,
I have had about 24 hours worth of (unpaid) meetings so far this summer,
And I have put more hours into preparing for it than I can even count right now.

Someone mentioned to me the other day that they never understood why people go back to college for degree after degree, but then they decided that it's because college is so much easier than real-life jobs! I completely agree, haha. This is nuts.
Good thing I chose to do something that I love!

Status Update:
I had a birthday since my last post! I don't know about you, but I'm feeling 22! ;)
I also started contributing to my friend's gratitude blog. I don't write in it as often as I should. (Common theme?) But it helps me remember during all the stress what is so great about my life. And there are lots of wonderful things! Check it out if you so desire. :) http://pointsofgratitude.blogspot.com/
I got to go swimming the other night! It was sort of freezing, and we had to be quiet so their neighbors wouldn't call the cops, but it was fun, and it made this summer finally actually FEEL like summer. (An entire month in.)
Also- I went to Provo and hung out with all my Provo friends for the weekend. It may have involved tennis, handstands, Zumba, and being completely wrapped up/stuck to someone else via Saran Wrap. I was sore for like 3 days! My life doesn't get that exciting at home. I miss college!

Anyway... I really do love this beautiful, crazy, BUSY but amazing life!!
❤, Meagan

And So it Begins!...

Now that this semester is winding down I think my brain needs something else to worry about, since finals totally aren't enough... So I had this hilarious dream the other night, which is great because normally I can't remember my dreams for more than like the 30 seconds right after I wake up. It was my very first "Oh no, it is the first day of school and I'm not ready!" dream. It has begun, ladies and gents. This internship is getting so real and close!

In this dream I dreamed that I was at the school I am doing my internship at. I woke up like 10 minutes before school was supposed to start (in a bed... in my classroom. Apparently this was not all that strange in this dreamscape.) Anyway... I started flipping out because the kids were going to show up and I was in my pajamas. I was freaking out because I did not have extra clothes to wear at school (What, I have a bed and PJ's but no change of clothes? I would be a horrible boy scout.)

At this point I saw my facilitator walk by (the person that is my connection between BYU and my elementary school) and I called out to her... "Elisa!" (I think that is her name. I will have to check again.) "I am freaking out! I am not ready! Will you stay here while my class shows up so I can go home and change?" But she told me that she was leaving for the day, so she could not help me out. Then one of my students showed up and said "Hi, Miss Jardine!" Then I really started freaking out and I was super embarrassed about my unprofessional attire. What are their parents going to think?? So I told her that I would be back and started running (literally) all over the school looking for a change of clothes.

And then I woke up. And cracked up! I am so glad I don't plan on sleeping in my classroom so situations like this will never occur, hahaha. Oh, my brain comes up with the silliest things. :) I love my life. :)

❤, Meagan

Moving Up in the World!

I apologize for not writing more during practicum. I usually have lots of funny stories and happy moments to share because of the kids, but this practicum I didn't have a ton of those. I felt like it was a very stressful and unhappy month for me, and I try not to write about things that will bog people down. So instead I counted down the days until it was over and hoped for happier things to share. And now I have some!

Alright, folks... Most of you may know this already, but I GOT AN INTERNSHIP!!! I realized I addressed my nerves in the last post, but I couldn't leave all of my avid readers (not sure I actually have any of those) hanging! And I am so excited I just want to tell anyone who will listen. Or read. :)

I will be teaching 3rd grade at Riverton Elementary School! An internship fills the same requirements as student teaching, but instead of being in someone else's classroom I have my very own classroom and receive half salary. Since it is my own classroom, I will be there for the whole year rather than just one semester. I am also on a year-round schedule, so the first day of school will be July 25th, which is super soon. I got offered the intern position last Wednesday, but I didn't know much information until today when my principal called me to let me know some details.

So my day went like this... I was super stoked to go to devotional for the first time in over a month, and one of the Special Education professors was speaking, so I knew it would be great. As soon as I found my friend and sat down, I got a phone call. Recognizing it as from somewhere back home I went out to the hall to answer it. It was the principal of the school I am doing my internship at! He had called to inform me of what grade I would be teaching. When I asked what track (between A and B) he said that since I was the first intern hired, and he will be hiring another one tomorrow that he will let me pick first and the other intern will get what is left over. I was excited, because I wanted A track. That way I will get out of school in June instead of July. (Those of you who are not familiar with the year-round track system this calendar will give you a good idea of what I am talking about.)

We had a little conversation about other expectations and how I will likely be rotating classrooms every time I go off track. But... There is actually an incentive to that. Apparently I get an extra $100 every time I have to do this. Win! After our little discussion he welcomed me aboard and said that the secretary would be getting in touch with me soon.

And she did! She called me about half an hour later and asked for some information so that she could sign me up for "New teacher orientation"! I am so official!! Now that I have some more information about this whole thing it is getting so real! I am so incredibly excited, but also nervous! I'm not really sure when I grew up enough to be in charge of helping to shape 25 young peoples' futures.

Anyway... From our short conversation, my principal seems very nice, and I am looking forward to working with him. (And hopefully a friend, if the other intern is someone that I get along well with.) Life is really looking up and I am definitely moving up in the world. :)

Also look at this website. It's my future home. So excited!!! :)
❤, Meagan

The Complete Package

I feel like I have been neglecting my blog lately. It's been 20 days since my last post, and I was doing so well at keeping up! I already posted this on Facebook, but I thought I would share it with my blog friends too. While perusing Facebook the other day I found out that BYU students (That's me!) are the complete package. Don't believe me? Check it!

Colleges Where Students are Hot and Smart

I figured that BYU would be on there, since like 4 of my friends posted the link. However, I didn't expect us to be THE hottest and smartest. Go us! :)

BYU-Idaho made it, too! (Although it is at a slightly less awesome placement than BYU-Provo)

Talk about good press. ;)

I hope all of your lives are wonderful and less stressful than mine has been lately. But it's all downhill from here! My last day of practicum is Wednesday, my internship interview is also on Wednesday, and I should find out that very night whether or not I get it. Updates will come at a later date. Until then I will be a nervous wreck, so wish me luck!

Lots of love!

❤, Meagan

iTeach

I decided that I sort of love 6th graders' humor. Today, one of the boys in my class jumped out of his seat completely out of the blue, and asked "What would you guys say to us doing a Harlem Shake?" That's one of those moments where you have to bite your lip and not acknowledge that the disruptive child is funny. He asked his teacher if they could and she said no. Then he said "What about at recess?" She still said no, and he was a little let down. No one else seemed too torn up about it, though.

We get to go on a field trip tomorrow! To BYU... haha. I can't escape the place! But we are going to the planetarium, so I think it'll be pretty cool. My first observation is also tomorrow. Right after a field trip and recess, so hopefully the kids aren't too wild. I'm teaching them how to write persuasive essays, which is a super fascinating topic. But really... I'm excited to read them. I'm having them write me a persuasive essay about whether or not teachers should assign homework. I think it will be entertaining to see their arguments. :)

Today my teacher also informed me of what I will be teaching for the rest of practicum. It's nice to know so far in advance, but I feel pretty overwhelmed. Next week and the week after I am going to be teaching one math inquiry lesson as well as science, social studies, and book clubs for the whole 2 weeks. This amounts to me teaching about 3-4 hours out of the day for the next 2 weeks straight, when the most I have taught up until this point is like 45 minutes. My teacher wasn't kidding when she said she was going to "throw me off the deep end."

It's gonna be a party... But I guess it will help me to be that much more prepared for real life. :)
Wish me luck!
❤, Meagan

6th Grade. . . Again?!

As many of you are aware, I started my second and last practicum on Friday! I was nervous because this one is in 6th grade, which is very different from my last one in 1st grade. I absolutely loved the younger grades, and worried that I would not do as well in the upper ones.

One thing I was worried about is that I wouldn't be "cool" to the 6th graders. I know, I know, you don't have to be their friend, just be their teacher... Blah, blah. But it's nice if they actually like you, not just tolerate you because they have to respect authority.

I was also concerned that I wouldn't know how to connect to these students. I feel like my forte is with the younger kids. I've always babysat younger kids, and they have a tendency to just latch onto me right away. I love their unending energy and excitement, and their unconditional love. I was convinced that 6th grade wouldn't be able to match up to that.

On Friday, though, the teacher put some music on, and all of the kids started freaking out and getting excited because it was Imagine Dragons. I LOVE Imagine Dragons! Immediately following this I got several compliments on my nails, and even one on my handwriting. :) Right away I knew that I was going to like it better than I thought.

Today I gave my introductory lesson, and just showed the students a bunch of pictures of me and my friends, and silly things I've done. When I told the students that I liked going to Jazz games and showed them pictures I took at one, one boy jumped up and said "I LOVE the Jazz! Gordon Hayward!" I agreed that Hayward is obviously the best, and then showed them the picture from the Jazz game Friday night where I got to sit right down by the court with my family to watch warmups and got an autograph from and a picture with Hayward! This kid's mouth just dropped and he shouted something along the lines of how awesome that was and that he was jealous. After this I asked if they had any questions, and the same kid asked me what type of music I like. I told him Imagine Dragons, and he was quite excited. He then proceeded to inform me that his name was          (I'm not actually sure if I'm allowed to say his name or not) and that he is "awesome." Self-proclaimed, but it must be true, right? :)

After my little picture show the teacher gave a speech about how the kids need to listen to me, and whatever I assign they have to do, because I am going to be giving them grades on it. The same kid from before jumped up and proclaimed that "She likes Imagine Dragons, the Jazz, and Hayward. I'll do whatever she asks!"

Win. I think I'm going to like it here. :)
❤, Meagan

Everybody's Gonna Love Today, Gonna Love Today, Gonna Love Today!

So it's that time of February again. That day where half the people I know are bitter about their love lives... or lack thereof, and the other half are all lovey and goo-goo eyed. I'm in on secret plots to help other people show love to their significant others, but not getting anything from one myself, haha. It's not my favorite day of the year, but I'm not totally averse to this day either. My mom always sends me something special, and that's sweet. :) I still know that I'm loved.

Guess what?
Today I had a revalation. A year from today I will be in my very own classroom! Forget not having a "valentine". I will have 30! Do you know how much chocolate and candy and cute little cards that is?? I am so excited. I have a feeling this will become one of my favorite holidays. :)

And just a little note for those of you that feel like you are "all alone" on Valentine's day... You are most definitely not. You don't need that one special someone to make this day bearable. Just look around you and realize how many other special people are in your lives. Love is a many splendid thing, but it can come from anywhere, not just a man. I have wonderful family and friends, and they make my life complete. The romance will happen eventually, but until then? I'm still going to enjoy my life.

Also- I found this video earlier. Oh my cuteness! It is the most adorable thing ever. I'm pretty sure my favorite part is when they ask the kids if they have ever been kissed and they all freak out. And the little girl that is going to marry her daddy. Classic. I am so stoked to spend every day of most of the rest of my life with such innocent and special people! :)

On a random note... I searched and I have exactly 239 songs in my iTunes that have the word Love in the title. In case  any of you wanted to know. Awesome. :)

I love you all!

❤, Meagan

When I'm a Teacher...

I wrote this for one of my practicum classes this semester in response to what kind of teacher I want to be, and what 4 things I find particularly important to meeting this goal. I think it is good to reflect on where I am now and where I am trying to end up. :)

Meagan Jardine

El Ed 321
Professor Korth
September 18, 2012

Becoming a Teacher

            Throughout the course of the Elementary Education program I feel that I have learned a lot about myself and my beliefs about teaching. I have grown immensely, and learned so many things about how to become a caring and effective professional. Some of the traits that stick out to me as particularly imperative that a teacher exhibit include: Christ-centered teaching, patience, a passion for learning, and maintaining a positive attitude about life in general.

            I think that the single most important aspect that I can hold in the forefront of my teaching is that of having a Christ-centered classroom. I do not mean this in the sense that religion will be prevalent in my teaching, just that I want to always have the spirit with me, and that I can only be fully effective when I remember to do so. I want to teach with the attitude that each student in my class is a child of God. I know there will be times where I will be frustrated or feel inadequate, but at times like these I just need to remember what a divine responsibility I am being entrusted with (educating His precious children), and that the Savior knows my capabilities better than I do. When I remember and invite Christ into my classroom, then I will be reminded that I can also lean on him for strength. I definitely plan on praying for inspiration and guidance to meet each individual child’s needs, as well as those of the class as a whole. I don’t know how I would survive, let alone thrive in this profession without the knowledge that Christ is there to guide me through.

I feel like one thing in particular that it would be beneficial for me to work on is developing more patience. This has never been my strongest virtue, and it is something that I am constantly reminded that I need to work on. I think that it will be good for me to remind myself consistently that children do need extra help and scaffolding, as well as repeated directions – sometimes many more times than we, the teachers, feel like they need to be given. Instead of getting frustrated, I want to be able to remind myself that children simply cannot be expected to perform at the same level as adults. They are capable of amazing things, but if we have unrealistic expectations, then we are going to quickly become discouraged and impatient. It is important to remember that each child has their own individual strengths and weaknesses, and that we need to tailor our teaching to those specific needs. I know that there will be plenty of moments where my future students will try my patience, and push me to my limits, but I hope to be able to control my emotions and respond lovingly, or at least calmly, rather than losing my patience or snapping at them. I do not want to ever make my students feel like I do not care for them, or that I do not believe that they can succeed and thrive.

One thing that I think it is very important for a teacher to exhibit for her students is a deep passion for learning. I think that a teacher needs to be passionate about what she does in order to effectively reach out to her students. Unless it is evident to the students that you love learning and that you love teaching, then they will not feel the need to soak in the messages you are trying to portray. I have had teachers before, even here in college, whom I can tell are not passionate about what they are doing. This can be very frustrating for the students, because when the teacher is not excited about the material, then it is really hard for the students to feel motivated to learn it. I want to show my future students that learning is exciting, and that there is a whole world of knowledge out there to discover and explore. I want to motivate my students to learn for fun, and for their own benefit, not just for a grade. I want to inspire a curiosity in my students that will not be satisfied simply by doing the bare minimum to complete an assignment. I want them to want to learn. That, I think, is the mark of an effective teacher.

            Another concept that I have been hearing a lot about lately, and which I think goes right along with passion for learning is the trait of optimism. I think that this is an essential characteristic for teachers to display for their students. When a teacher promotes optimism about school work and their students’ abilities, as well as just a good attitude in general, it can be incredibly effective in promoting a love of school and of learning in their students. I think that this is also helpful in fostering a positive self-efficacy in their students, as the students are constantly encouraged to look on the bright side and recognize what they are capable of accomplishing. I have noticed over the years that if the teacher is in a bad mood, or loses their temper with even one person, then the whole class feels it. It reflects negatively on everyone. I think that it is very important for the teacher to always have a good attitude and to try to encourage this in their students as well. I want to always portray to my students that I think life is wonderful; and even when it is hard, we are lucky to be living each day. I want to show my students that they are capable of doing hard things, and that they do have the strength to overcome life’s challenges.

            As I get closer to completing the program and becoming a professional, I am constantly encouraged to reflect on my beliefs and values pertaining to practices in education. I think that my eyes have really been widened about what types of traits I need to embody in myself before I can become an effective teacher. Those that I have found most important are always remembering Christ, and relying on His guidance, developing patience, displaying a passion for learning, and always encouraging my students to have a positive attitude about life. I believe that if I remember these things and apply them to my future classroom that I can be successful and inspire my students to accomplish great things.

❤, Meagan