2019, Please Be Kind

Here's a snapshot of Me before this year: extremely extroverted, very good at meeting new people and making friends, never home because I was always out seeking a crowd and new adventures, and taking those who were shy or broken under my wing - because I've notoriously been the stable one. The fixer. The ever-smiling friend you could turn to when you were falling apart.






Tonight I sat and scrolled through my phone, looking at all my pictures from the last year or so and trying to remember when the last time I felt truly happy and carefree was, and I think this trip was it. These photos are both from a trip to Mexico that I took in the summer of 2017. I had no pressing concerns weighing heavily in the back of my mind, no things to constantly stress, worry, and obsess over, and I got to spend 8 days just soaking up the sun, playing, spending time with family, and eating (yes I love food that much), and I felt so free, optimistic, and excited about what life would bring me next. Also, look how tan I was! -->

... But then 2018 happened, and my world crashed down around me. 2018 was the hardest year of my life. 2018 broke me to a point that I've never been broken before. 2018 taught me what it is like to feel desperately alone... And not because I don't have an amazing support system, but because I isolated myself. 2018 showed me those raw, and painful emotions that I've never experienced before. I learned what it is to feel heartbroken. I had two extremely painful ends to relationships I had high hopes for, and I learned what it feels like to start questioning every relationship, and failing to make new, meaningful ones because you're afraid to trust again for fear of that person leaving, and you feeling let down yet again. This year taught me how to cry until I couldn't breathe, and all the tears were gone. 2018 took my extroverted nature from me, and replaced it with anxiety... The kind where I locked myself in my room for days at a time (summer break was painful), avoided all humans - even my roommates, and only came out when I needed food. The kind where I didn't go to events with more than 5 people or so, and if a friend wanted to see me, they had to come to me, because showering, getting dressed, and going out was more than I could handle some days. Most days, actually. 2018 filled me with dread over new experiences and the unknown. Then school started and I was busy again, and I was ok for a couple months because I was distracted. But then the anxiety reared its ugly head again. There was a lot of uncertainty in my life at this time, mostly work-related, and this also introduced me to something new: the chest-tightening, struggling to breathe, help-what-is-happening-to-me panic attack that I had in my dark classroom one day while my students were at recess. I have a whole new understanding and respect for people who have struggled with anxiety and/or depression for long stretches of time, because it. is. crippling. Please, please, please reach out to me if you are ever feeling alone and need a reminder of your worth.

All that being said - this past Sunday as I was reflecting on my new year resolutions, I knew that I needed to focus on healing, and learning to be Me again. I needed to reconnect with the me that smiles and means it, instead of smiles and hopes my life will catch up. But I needed to figure out how to get back to that, because I haven't seen that girl in a while. I started by searching the word "change" in my Gospel Library app, and it brought me to a talk called "Now Is the Time" by Elder Jack N Gerrard, and it really resonated with me. I highly suggest reading it if you are looking for motivation to make some changes in your life. This talk is all about perfecting yourself now instead of waiting until the moment is ideal, or certain things are in place. Here are a few of my favorite statements from the talk:

In the beginning, Elder Gerrard told a story of a man who was going into a risky surgery, and his doctor told him: "If there is anything in your life you need to consider, now is the time." Later Elder Gerrard encouraged everyone “to do a thorough life assessment with the Lord … to ensure that your feet are firmly planted on the covenant path.” I think everyone can do their own small part to strengthen their relationship with the Lord, and I am going to make a concentrated effort on this in 2019, because I firmly believe that's where my healing will start.

Later on he says that "We live in a world of information overload, dominated by ever-increasing distractions that make it more and more difficult to sort through the commotion of this life and focus on things of eternal worth. Our daily lives are bombarded with attention-grabbing headlines, served up by rapidly changing technologies. Unless we take the time to reflect, we may not realize the impact of this fast-paced environment on our daily lives and the choices we make. We may find our lives consumed with bursts of information packaged in memes, videos, and glaring headlines. Although interesting and entertaining, most of these have little to do with our eternal progress, and yet they shape the way we view our mortal experience."

I think I am guilty of this. I live such a fast-paced life that I exhaust myself with all the to-do's, and don't make time for the little things. I am good at attending church, and all my meetings, and I never miss an institute class. I am a highly duty-bound person, so I fulfill my callings to the max. However, I am not good at the personal, spiritual development side of religion. I am guilty of making too many goals, or too ambitious of goals, then getting overwhelmed, giving up, and thinking that I'll try again later. But last time I did that I never tried again later. I let the hardships of this past year and a half shake my faith. I grew bitter, and angry, and sad. And I think it's because I didn't hold on to my relationship with Christ, and trust in Him to make everything ok again. I wallowed in self-pity instead. So this year I am sticking to the basics. My goals for 2019 are those simple, yet highly effective methods of strengthening one's faith that I have neglected lately. I am going to read my scriptures daily, pray more regularly, and attend the temple at least once a month. My roommate and I made a goal tonight to read the New Testament before the school year is over, since neither of us have read it all the way through before, and I'm excited to learn from it.

Now, before I wrap things up... Between all the heartache, sadness, feelings of inadequacy, anxiety, and fear that 2018 brought me, there were a few good moments. I went on a cruise and visited 3 countries, 2 of which were new to me, I met some new people despite my hermit ways, I taught piano, I have now had half a school year with my favorite class ever (and seriously, this is a tender mercy because I was at my breaking point with teaching), my high school bestie flew up to visit and I got to spend a couple days with her for the first time in over 8 years, I played and played and played with my sweet nieces, I gained a brother-in-law, and I learned to be ok spending time alone.

These are the moments that I felt the happiest, and the most Me this year, and I think I see a theme in them. Those moments that I am most focused on my faith, family, friends, and myself are the ones that bring me peace. I need to simplify, focus on the things that matter most, and disconnect from those that don't bring importance or joy into my life. It's time to start forming more personal relationships, and give myself to God again. That will be the recipe to true happiness. :)

I swear I have other family besides my nieces. I guess I don't take as many pictures with them!

In closing, here's a scripture.

"In me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world” (John 16:33). This scripture is a good reminder that God is love. I know He yearns for my happiness as much as I do. I just have to do my part to draw nearer to Him so he can lift me up. I know that in Christ there is peace. I have a testimony that prayer, scriptures, and temple attendance are the means to find that peace. Thank you to those of you who checked in and kept me sane this year. Much love to you. May 2019 bring peace and joy!
❤, Meagan

I Am Enough

Last year, as a new year's resolution I posted this blog post. In it I discussed how, instead of making new year's resolutions, I wanted to make monthly resolutions. I honestly forgot about them about halfway through the year, but looking back at that post and reading over it tonight struck me for a couple of reasons. As a refresher... Here's what I had.
I am.....
Productive
Kind
Talented
Patient
Brave
Spiritual
Adventurous
Strong
Joyful
Charitable
Thankful
Enough

January: I am Productive. I caught up on my grading, I tried not to stay at work too late doing pointless things, I kept up on my housework, etc. I was going to start this year strong!

February: I am Kind. I tried to respond more nicely to my students (I had a very frustrating class last year, and recognized my impatience with them.) I prayed for my hardest students, and tried to be more service-oriented.

March: I am Talented. I tried to learn a few new songs on the guitar, and practiced the piano more, to grow my talents a bit.

April: I am Patient. I think this is actually where I forgot to actively try for these goals each month. But honestly, every day of last school year was a lesson in patience. I think this is always something I can put more effort into, though. I am a notoriously impatient person when it comes to the smaller, inconsequential things.


May: I am Brave. I don't know that I did anything particularly brave this month, other than finishing what had been the hardest school year of my life up until this point. I feel like that requires a certain amount of bravery. Hahaha.

June: I am Spiritual. I remembered about these goals for a bit, and tried to focus on my scripture reading. I did pretty well for a little bit! This is one life goal that is always up and down for me.

July: I am Adventurous. I vacationed to Mexico, I parasailed, paddle boarded, and tried to make the most of my summer by making other small and random trips. I tried to be more open in my relationships, and had some undesirable adventures, mostly via bad dating experiences. But I learned a lot about myself, even though some of it led to painful learning experiences. 

--- Ok, starting about here I am not actively focused on these goals anymore, it is all retrospect and hindsight from here. 
August: I am Strong. Holy cow, I did not realize how much I would actually need to recognize my strength that month. That was one of the lowest months of my life up until that point! Thankfully I had AMAZING friends and roommates that helped me talk through my mess of emotions and remind me that I am strong. I am capable. And I am better than I give myself credit for.

September: I am Joyful. I was so joyful! I started dating someone. He was everything I thought I ever wanted. He was kind, chivalrous, and loved me when I felt scarred and completely unlovable. He pulled me from the depths of despair (if you can name that movie, we are kindred spirits). I fell for him so hard and so fast. I told him I loved him (in case you didn't know, that word is terrifying!) And it was a first for me. I was smitten, giddy, and happier than I think I ever had been.

October: I am Charitable. I probably didn't do as well with this as I could have, at least as far as serving everyone around me, but I did love providing for the person I was dating. I loved finding little ways to surprise him, and make his day better. I was the best girlfriend! (Self-proclaimed, but still, right? Haha.) Later we talked about this, and he did not feel that I was very service-oriented during the time we dated because I did not reach out to people in the ward. Honestly, I probably was a bit self-absorbed and lost in the moment, but I was just so over-the-moon happy with my life that I didn't care to look outside of it.

November: I am Thankful. I thought this was appropriate for November. It is easy to find the things you are grateful for around Thanksgiving time. This particular Thanksgiving, I was so wrapped up in my relationship, which honestly had started to get rocky by this point. We had been talking marriage (don't judge me for going so fast. Or do, because it's not really anyone's choice but mine anyway...) but his family was not on board. I had never been disliked by the family of anyone I was dating, and it killed me that it was coming from the family of the person that I wanted to marry! I felt unaccepted, and incompetent, because I couldn't figure out how to fix things, and I wanted nothing more than to be able to do that. There were so. many. teary-eyed nights. So. many. breakdowns that my roomates had to listen to and try to comfort me through. (Thank you, roomies. You are seriously the best, and I am so grateful for you!) But I pushed on with the relationship, because I am stubborn, and determined, and thought it was what was best for me.

December: I am Enough. Again, I was not actively focusing on these goals. Oh, how I should have been! I had lost myself completely in the hardships of life, in wallowing in work troubles, and most of all, in relationship drama. It was overwhelming! It took me 4 months or so after my relationship ended to realize this. Heck, I barely realized this a few weeks ago! I loved that he loved me. I loved who I thought I was going to become with his help. I loved what I thought he saw in me. I did not recognize the constant, every day stress I was feeling with trying to live up to what I thought his expectations were. I am not trying to pin everything on him, or blame him for anything. I still have respect for him, and think he is a wonderful person, but I think that I had misconstrued what he wanted from me, or who I needed to be for him. I think my efforts to make him happy and salvage things became unrealistic, and too much for me to keep up with, and it was incredibly unhealthy for my feelings of self-worth.

Now, moving forward, as 2018 is almost halfway over (what??) I have learned SO MUCH about myself. In this post about January I talked about how hard that month was. My relationship ended, and I completely fell apart. I had put ALL of my time and effort the last 4 months or so into building that relationship, and I no longer knew who I was without the promise of where I thought my future was going. I didn't know how to handle everything I was going through at work (and it was a lot) without someone to come home and vent to, or cuddle with, or cry on. So I cried by myself. A LOT. I didn't know what to do without the constant reassurance that someone loved me, and cared how my day went (I have amazing family and friends who I know would have provided this for me, but I was feeling my loss too much to recognize that fully at the time). I felt like, between work and my personal life, that I had lost everything good about my life all at once, and didn't know what to carry on for, or where to find the strength to do it. So I put my happy face on, and I struggled through one day at a time. I quickly realized that I needed to learn to love myself again without the love of a significant other as validation. I needed to learn to recognize the things about myself that are unique and awesome. I needed to realize that I am a masterpiece all by myself - that I am competent, and worthy of love and respect, and strong in and of myself, not because someone else built me up or made me feel that way. 

I have focused so much these past few months on doing what I need to do for me. My relationships do not define me, nor will they ever again. I have learned to put me first - because you cannot build others up, or even live a productive and healthy life until your life is in order. In an effort to pick myself up I ate all my favorite things without anyone telling me they were unhealthy. I bought whatever I wanted (within reason) because I was only providing for myself for the foreseeable future. I watched as much TV as I wanted without anyone telling me I needed to go out and be active. I went on an expensive vacation, which is usually not something I will justify spending lots of money on, but was much needed. I jumped on a cruise ship and fled the country. I visited Mexico, Honduras, and Belize. I didn't talk to children, I took lots of pictures, I made new friends, I enjoyed my own company, and I just let myself be Me! It had been a long time since I was unapolagetically me, without anyone else in mind. And you know what?? All of these things helped me to heal. Almost 6 months after my world came crashing down around me, I can say that I LOVE my life again. I love who I am. I love where I am. I love what I have accomplished. I am not scared of my choices or insecure about my faults anymore. I am just Me. And I AM ENOUGH! Please, know that you are too. :)
❤, Meagan

Adjectives to Aspire to

Happy New Year! :) Every year I get caught up in the whole "new year, new me" thing. I make a million resolutions, and swear I'm actually going to remember them all year. I think it's great to want to improve yourself, and you should never stop trying to be better, but I also think that I need a new system. 2016 was a very productive year for me. I did a lot of growing up, and I accomplished a lot of my goals. I have a lot to celebrate! Because of that, in 2017 I think I want to focus on the things I already like about myself and strengthen those instead. In Relief Society today, we talked about goal setting and resolutions. The girl giving the lesson talked about a friend of hers that made a list of "I Am" statements and chose to work on one a month, then wrapped it all up by writing about it. I love that idea! I immediately started brainstorming my own list. Some of these I am weaker at than others, so some are ones I want to improve, and others are just something I want to focus on, because they are good things! So here is what I came up with:

I am.....
Productive
Kind
Talented
Patient
Brave
Spiritual
Adventurous
Strong
Joyful
Charitable
Thankful
Enough

If you have any ideas for me on how to live these adjectives to the fullest, please shoot them my way! Here's to a year of introspection. I'm excited. :)
❤,
Meagan

. . . And I'm a Mormon :)

Life has really taken a turn for the better lately. Let me just tell you why. Yesterday I spent 13 hours on campus between classes, a group project and individual homework. Ridiculous, right? But... I can honestly say that I feel happier and less stressed than I have in weeks. These last few weeks I've sort of been in a funk. I have been so stressed and exhausted, and while I am still exhausted (like always) I have realized that the more productive I am in schoolwork and the rest of my life, and the more I do for others, the happier I am.

Less than 2 short days ago I posted on here about how I am going to start being brave and living my religion more publicly. That very night at ward prayer they announced that Family Home Evening the next day was going to be making Mormon.org profiles. This is something that would normally terrify me. (It still does, that's why it took me so long to make one.) I could have claimed that the 13 hours I spent on campus yesterday wiped me out and I was simply too exhausted to go on, but... In light of my new resolution I decided to just go for it. You can now see where I came from, what I stand for and exactly what I believe publicly, right here!

Happy reading. :)
❤, Meagan

Words to Live By

"Never let your faith be difficult to detect."
- President J. Reuben Clark Jr.

I was reading an article the other day, and this quote really jumped out at me. It made me wonder... Is MY faith difficult to detect? Or can people look at me and know what I stand for? Am I making the right choices to be an accurate example of a follower of Christ?

I know from experience that putting yourself out there and letting people see where you really come from can make you feel super vulnerable. I have never been one to hold up well when my faith is questioned. I have never been entirely comfortable talking to people of another faith and answering questions about my own, whether cynical or not. But I am trying now to step outside of my comfort zone and invite these conversations rather than shy away from them. I realize that it is high time to break out of my shell. I need to let people see me for me, and and a big, albeit scary part of that, is letting them see my faith.

I know that fear will not get me anywhere in this life. This is a revelation I seem to be coming to repeatedly lately.

On this topic, Elder Russel M. Nelson said in the 2011 April conference that "We do not need to let our fears displace our faith. We can combat those fears by strengthening our faith." And I plan to do just that.
I will be brave.
I will be "bold but not overbearing."
I will be an example of the believers! :)

...Wish me luck.
❤, Meagan

A Letter From the Past

I found this cool website last year called FutureMe.org. It is a website where you can write a letter to your future self and pick the date that you want it delivered. I didn't think it would work, but thought it would be a fun thing to try either way, so I wrote myself a letter and set the delivery date for a year from that day. I completely forgot about it until yesterday when I received an email with the following:

The following is an e-mail from the past, composed 11 months and 30 days ago, on January 02, 2012. It is being delivered from the past through FutureMe.org

Dear FutureMe,
I really hope that this new year has been full of happiness and change. Change is not normally something that I would wish on myself, but I've kind of felt like I've been stagnating lately. I hope that I have stretched myself and striven to become better in my weak areas, especially in gaining a stronger testimony. I hope that I have seized every opportunity to step outside my comfort zone and accomplish something amazing. Or even just plain fun. Let's hope this new year is void of regrets and "what if"s. Live and let live!
~ Me
Also - I wouldn't mind a boyfriend at some point. Just sayin'... ;)

I was so amused! I think I will write another one. And this time... since the boyfriend thing came and went already, maybe I will ask myself for a husband. ;)
❤, Meagan

When I'm a Teacher...

I wrote this for one of my practicum classes this semester in response to what kind of teacher I want to be, and what 4 things I find particularly important to meeting this goal. I think it is good to reflect on where I am now and where I am trying to end up. :)

Meagan Jardine

El Ed 321
Professor Korth
September 18, 2012

Becoming a Teacher

            Throughout the course of the Elementary Education program I feel that I have learned a lot about myself and my beliefs about teaching. I have grown immensely, and learned so many things about how to become a caring and effective professional. Some of the traits that stick out to me as particularly imperative that a teacher exhibit include: Christ-centered teaching, patience, a passion for learning, and maintaining a positive attitude about life in general.

            I think that the single most important aspect that I can hold in the forefront of my teaching is that of having a Christ-centered classroom. I do not mean this in the sense that religion will be prevalent in my teaching, just that I want to always have the spirit with me, and that I can only be fully effective when I remember to do so. I want to teach with the attitude that each student in my class is a child of God. I know there will be times where I will be frustrated or feel inadequate, but at times like these I just need to remember what a divine responsibility I am being entrusted with (educating His precious children), and that the Savior knows my capabilities better than I do. When I remember and invite Christ into my classroom, then I will be reminded that I can also lean on him for strength. I definitely plan on praying for inspiration and guidance to meet each individual child’s needs, as well as those of the class as a whole. I don’t know how I would survive, let alone thrive in this profession without the knowledge that Christ is there to guide me through.

I feel like one thing in particular that it would be beneficial for me to work on is developing more patience. This has never been my strongest virtue, and it is something that I am constantly reminded that I need to work on. I think that it will be good for me to remind myself consistently that children do need extra help and scaffolding, as well as repeated directions – sometimes many more times than we, the teachers, feel like they need to be given. Instead of getting frustrated, I want to be able to remind myself that children simply cannot be expected to perform at the same level as adults. They are capable of amazing things, but if we have unrealistic expectations, then we are going to quickly become discouraged and impatient. It is important to remember that each child has their own individual strengths and weaknesses, and that we need to tailor our teaching to those specific needs. I know that there will be plenty of moments where my future students will try my patience, and push me to my limits, but I hope to be able to control my emotions and respond lovingly, or at least calmly, rather than losing my patience or snapping at them. I do not want to ever make my students feel like I do not care for them, or that I do not believe that they can succeed and thrive.

One thing that I think it is very important for a teacher to exhibit for her students is a deep passion for learning. I think that a teacher needs to be passionate about what she does in order to effectively reach out to her students. Unless it is evident to the students that you love learning and that you love teaching, then they will not feel the need to soak in the messages you are trying to portray. I have had teachers before, even here in college, whom I can tell are not passionate about what they are doing. This can be very frustrating for the students, because when the teacher is not excited about the material, then it is really hard for the students to feel motivated to learn it. I want to show my future students that learning is exciting, and that there is a whole world of knowledge out there to discover and explore. I want to motivate my students to learn for fun, and for their own benefit, not just for a grade. I want to inspire a curiosity in my students that will not be satisfied simply by doing the bare minimum to complete an assignment. I want them to want to learn. That, I think, is the mark of an effective teacher.

            Another concept that I have been hearing a lot about lately, and which I think goes right along with passion for learning is the trait of optimism. I think that this is an essential characteristic for teachers to display for their students. When a teacher promotes optimism about school work and their students’ abilities, as well as just a good attitude in general, it can be incredibly effective in promoting a love of school and of learning in their students. I think that this is also helpful in fostering a positive self-efficacy in their students, as the students are constantly encouraged to look on the bright side and recognize what they are capable of accomplishing. I have noticed over the years that if the teacher is in a bad mood, or loses their temper with even one person, then the whole class feels it. It reflects negatively on everyone. I think that it is very important for the teacher to always have a good attitude and to try to encourage this in their students as well. I want to always portray to my students that I think life is wonderful; and even when it is hard, we are lucky to be living each day. I want to show my students that they are capable of doing hard things, and that they do have the strength to overcome life’s challenges.

            As I get closer to completing the program and becoming a professional, I am constantly encouraged to reflect on my beliefs and values pertaining to practices in education. I think that my eyes have really been widened about what types of traits I need to embody in myself before I can become an effective teacher. Those that I have found most important are always remembering Christ, and relying on His guidance, developing patience, displaying a passion for learning, and always encouraging my students to have a positive attitude about life. I believe that if I remember these things and apply them to my future classroom that I can be successful and inspire my students to accomplish great things.

❤, Meagan

"Great Moments"

     I went to a devotional about 2 months or so ago and the speaker asked about how we record our "great moments." This got me thinking... How do I? Or do I at all? I don't think that I do. I take pictures sometimes, but I think that mostly I just live in the moments and then let them pass. I desperately need to work on this. Life is amazing, overwhelming, exciting, stressful, and many other things, but most of all, it is precious. I don't want to forget everything that led to who I am today. I want to remember those "great moments;" every detail of them, every bit of my life that contributed to the me of today.
     I want so badly to get to the point where I am writing about things in the moment rather than after the fact. I want to get the excitement and the giddiness over every crush, and relationship, and activity, rather than the cool facts afterwards. I want to remember that life is exciting, and I have these multitudes of feelings. I am far more honest with myself in writing, and knowing this, I want to be able to see the truest me that there is.
     I know that I love reading back over old journals and seeing where I was a year or 5 ago. It shows me how much I have changed; how I have grown and progressed, and best of all, how I maneuvered the similar problems that seem to be recurring constantly in my life. So, to reiterate, life is crazy, but keeping good records of it will aid me incomprehensibly in the long run. Hopefully I will actually be able to work on this over the summer and make it a habit. It's been on my New Year's Resolutions list for years, so obviously I realize how important it is, it is just so hard for me to keep up! Once again... Here's to improvement! (Hopefully) :)
❤, Meagan

Mixed Feelings is When...

I really tried to think of a good title for this. Particularly a witty one. I failed. It's kind of just a random assortment of thoughts I've had over the last few days.

In the words of a wise professor: "Mixed feelings is when your mother-in-law drives your brand new Cadillac off of a cliff". I thought this was so funny, and it is probably one of my very favorite things to come out of the mouth of any of my professors last year.

This concept in general is just something that I've been thinking about lately. A few examples I have found in my life the past few days include (but are not limited to) :

- Remember that one song that you used to love? You know the one. The one that now reminds you of a particular person, so you skip it every time it comes up on your ipod? Yep, that one.

- You know those certain placess that have the power to make you happy/excited/sad/nostalgic all at the same time? I think we all have those. This broad range of feelings is because you think not only of all the amazing things that happened there, but also of how long ago that really was, and how much you miss the people that were there with you.

- One more thing. I know that we all have little rituals. Like... Kissing your hand and palming the roof when you run a yellow light, or knocking on wood to avoid jinxing yourself, right? Well there are those in particular which, to begin with, yeilded multiple positive results, but just one time proved for a negative and/or awkward experience. Every time the opportunity would present itself after that, you didn't do it. And every time you kicked yourself for remembering the bad and caring enough to pass it up.

Life is funny. It's unpredictable, and you can't control the way your mind connects things. So as a result one thing can remind you of like twelve others, but we can make the most of it!

Now every time that one song comes up I try to remember why I loved it in the first place, and instead of skipping it, turn up the volume and jam out like I used to. And when I drive past those places I loved... of course I reminisce, but I try to filter it so only the happy feelings get through and I can drive by with a smile. That way I can remember and enjoy those places that I loved all over again. And my silly little rituals? Well I figure if they used to be fun and exciting, Why shouldn't they still be? Now every time the opportunity presents itself I still hesitate; but then I do it anyway, just in case... :)

One bad experience can't define them all. We can choose how certain things effect us. Let's pick the positive result. :)
❤, Meagan

School

Christmas break is over, sadly. It was wonderful being home with family, but now it is back to reality or, as I like to call it... School. And school is back in full force right from day one. I'm taking 15 credits this semester, which is 6 classes. This is 2 more credits than last semester, but one less class. I figured it would average out to about the same difficulty, but if the first 3 days of classes are any indicator then this semester is going to be pret-ty intense.

Homework on the first day of classes, and 2 days of night classes? Not my favorite thing ever. Especially when those 2 night classes are almost 3 hours long each with no break in the middle. And I am barely getting home from campus at 10 o' clock at night. Yeah... Awesome.

But... Despite how much I hate it in the moment, in the end I will accomplish my dream and become an elementary school teacher just like I've always wanted to. So why complain, right? I just might survive this…
❤, Meagan

"A Goal Not Written Down is Only a Wish" (2011)

I like coming up with goals for the new year in the hopes of maybe fixing some of my short comings. So... This year I resolve to:

• Make more of an effort for in-depth scripture study. I need to set a certain time to do it, and not just do it to say that I did... but to learn from it.
• Gain a stronger testimony.
• Pray both morning and night. A day started with a prayer will undoubtedly go better.
• Go the temple more often instead of other time wasting activities.
• Be less lazy. Excercise some so I can feel good about the physical shape I am in.
• Procrastinate less, schoolwork in particular. I need to do the reading and give all work my best effort. No more slacking!
• Get more sleep... At more normal times.
• Keep a regular written journal. This has been on my list for years. It's never happened... We'll see.
• Be more service oriented. Laugh a little more. Brighten someone's day.
• Eat healthier. No more college student diet! And yes, this means cooking...
• Spend less time on facebook. It's too distracting. Facebook should be for when homework for the next day is finished. There are lots more productive things I could be doing with my time.
• Make an effort to get to know more of the people around me. I want to branch out. "Do one thing every day that scares you." I saw that quote once on a magnet. Isn't that great? Getting to know new people is scary, no matter how much practice you've had with moving around and starting over (and believe me, I've had lots). I want to step out of my comfort zone, because that's where life begins! And who knows? Maybe I will touch them in a way that I don't even realize.

To sum everything up... I want to learn to love myself even more. I want to be a more cheerful person. I want to put myself out there without worrying about what others think and stretch myself to become even better than I ever knew I could.
     "I wanna make a memory filled with love... The kind you don't forget!" ♥
I think that this one line from a song I was listening to last night would be a great theme for this coming year. I hope that by remembering and putting into action the things I've listed above that I will be happier, and there will be less stress and more fun times with new friends. So... Let's get out there and make some memories!
❤, Meagan