I Can't Complain!

Wow. Saying that this internship would keep me busy was an understatement. This internship is my LIFE! I get to school around 7:30 every morning, then stay until 6 every night when the janitor makes me go home. Then I lug a bunch of papers and notebooks and things to grade home with me and do that most of the night. And when I finally do get the chance to be social... What do I talk about? School. This happened, and this student said this, and oh my goodness I have to get this done... Sheesh. It's consumed me. Don't get me wrong, I really love this job. But it is so hard! I really miss having a life outside of school.

I have decided that nothing is harder than teaching while sick. This last week has been so taxing. I have been trying to get over a cold for about a week and a half now. Last Saturday was the worst of it. I got to sleep in until 9 (I love how that is sleeping in for me now), woke up coughing so hard I couldn't breathe, begged Samantha to take me to the store for cough drops and a Jamba Juice, then watched a bit of TV before deciding that after being up for a whopping 3 hours I needed a nap. I was in and out of bed all day (mostly in), before begging my dad to make me soup, and finally calling my facilitator around 6:30 to freak out about how I hadn't been able to get any lesson planning done yet. I sort of broke down on the phone (so embarrassing), at which she basically told me to go to bed and try again the next day. Normally my whole weeks' worth of lesson plans would be due Monday morning by 8am, but she took pity on my and said to just get Monday done and we could take it a day at a time. I was grateful, but not being ahead of the game stresses me out. Also, I knew that I was being observed for my JPAS (Jordan District teacher observation system where the principal randomly comes in twice in a week-ish time frame to observe your teaching)... and I had an inkling that it was going to be on Monday. So Monday I got out of bed, forced myself to school, and put on a brave, although still coughing, face. I survived my observation that day, switching classrooms the next (again- yay for the track change being in the middle of the week instead of on Fridays like usual...), and another observation Thursday afternoon. This week was the hardest week of my life, I swear it. But I made it through, and I'm pretty positive that I can handle whatever else this internship will throw at me.

I promise more details later. Every day is a new and exciting experience; for better or for worse. I am not short on stories, but I am definitely short on time to write them all down.

With all the ups and downs I feel like this song should be my life motto right about now. It just rings so true to this whole internship thing! Enjoy. :)

"I know some days I'm gonna stumble, and I know the cookie's gonna crumble, and I know life is gonna suck some days... But I can't complain!"

In conclusion: As exhausting and difficult as this experience has been so far, every single time one of my students says something nice about me or gives me a hug, I just melt. It reminds me why I wanted to do this in the first place, and shows me that even when I feel like giving up I am making a difference!!

So, with that in mind: Life is beautiful!... Mostly.
♥, Meagan

Small Moments

I know you are all dying to hear about my internship. Or maybe not, but regardless... I just haven't had time to report much. Here's a little peek at my last minute preparation for it, even if it was mostly just mental prep.

On Wednesday my school was closed, because it was a holiday (Pioneer Day) and school was starting the next day, so it was pretty much do or die at that point. I had to go to Provo to grab some mail since the school district keeps sending it to Provo instead of South Jordan no matter how many times I remind them that I don't live in Provo. After getting my mail, I had time to catch up with friends and roommates, and enlist help in cutting out lamination (yeah, more! It never ends.)  I decided to leave for home earlier than I normally would have had school not been starting the next day. (Eep!) I was a little bit in freak-out mode, as every mile got me closer to home and bed, and school starting the next day! But then, amidst all the driving and psyching myself out I looked out the window and  I saw the prettiest clouds! They looked something like this:

It was then I realized that there is beauty all around me, and I need to take the time to stop and enjoy it... Especially when I feel like I don't have time to. I don't want to get so stressed that all I see is negative. I want to remember to notice the small, simple and beautiful things in my life.

I absolutely love it when the sky looks like this. It makes me feel like I am looking straight at Heaven. This moment just reminded me that yes, this internship is scary and intensely overwhelming, but I am not alone. I have a loving Heavenly Father that will be right there for me every step of the way. When I feel like I'm drowning, and I just can't do it all I know that He will provide the motivation and the means for me to accomplish all things. It was a great moment for me, and it gave me such an immense feeling of peace! From that moment I felt like I could handle things. Even as I woke up and prepared for that first morning, and as the parents/kids started filing in, I was able to calmly greet them and present a well put together front. This peace has carried me through these first 2 days, and I am so thankful for that! I am incredibly grateful for this opportunity and the knowledge that I am doing what I am meant to be, and also for the knowledge that I CAN DO HARD THINGS and in turn, accomplish GREAT things. :)

Here's to an undoubtedly fantastic year!

♥, Meagan

Perfection vs. Perfectionism

This week in institute we were talking about self-esteem and why it is so important in our lives and our relationships. One boy mentioned that there is a difference between being a perfectionist and striving for perfection. At first thought I didn't see it, but as he explained: You do not have to be perfect. Do not beat yourself up or go into bouts of self-loathing every time you make a mistake. IT'S OK TO MESS UP! Christ doesn't expect us to be perfect, so we shouldn't either. What is expected is that we strive for eventual perfection, and keep moving towards it. The most important thing is the happiness that we find along the way. As cheesy as that sounds - we really are meant to be happy. This life is all about finding our place in the world, finding what and who we love, and making the best of every situation.

On a related note, I found this quote and I like it: 

"Perfection means not perfect actions in a perfect world, but appropriate actions in an imperfect one."

As I have given this concept more thought this week, and simultaneously realized that my first day of school is 3 weeks from yesterday (eek!), I have realized that this internship is going to be the most intensely difficult (duh), but also the most rewarding thing I have ever done. It will be hard. I will struggle, I will encounter some failures, and there will probably be plenty of tears. This is going to be tough on my perfectionist nature. But... I am confident that there will be moments of greatness. I will triumph, I will laugh, I will love each of my little kiddos, and I will know that I am making a difference. It would be completely unrealistic to expect or even try for a perfect experience. So instead I will just do my best and love every minute of it! :)

❤, Meagan

A Vision of Summer (Friends, Family, Parks, Swimming, and Picnics!)

Lately I have realized that I believe you have to make it through the mundane in order to get to the amazing - the things you really love. I feel like that's what this summer has been about for me. I am learning to work first and play later, which should be my mantra, but all too often is not. My summer started out like this:

Lamination has become the bane of my existence pretty much.

Because of the seemingly endless amounts of cutting, creativity, and writing of lesson plans that has been required of me this summer I have definitely had a woe-is-me, I'm so busy I don't even know what to do with myself attitude about summer so far. But don't worry, because I have recently stepped back and reevaluated things. I have actually had way more fun than I realized along the way. So without further adieu, here are a few of my summer shenanigans!! 

In the process of all this lovely craziness I have decided that SUMMER IS FOR....

...Saran Wrap! Ok, maybe not just Saran Wrap. I think it was the amazing people that I had the time to bond with (see what I did there?) while wrapped in it. I have really missed the social aspect of Provo and BYU, and I had the chance a few weeks ago to spend a few nights in Provo. In another post I mentioned being Saran wrapped to a bunch of other people, and true to form I took forever to get pictures up. But behold: It was fantastic fun. :)

We are having so much
fun! (Lisa is hidden in the back
where you can't see her.)

Robbie is a beast! And I was
falling over (as much as
possible while attached
to 4 other people.)

The aftermath. :)

...Parks! Summer is a time of graduation and celebration. But also lots and lots of playing. Preferably on playgrounds. Who says I have to be a grown up in order to have a big kid job? 

Don't let my happy face fool you. This was a VERY painful experience.
But a cute picture!

COUSINS!! As close as this pretty girl lives,
I do not see her nearly enough!

...Swimming! Going swimming is always the highlight of my summer. Sadly, I have only had the chance to go once this year. But I plan to make time for much more of that. :)

A new swimsuit definitely warranted a cheesy selfie.

...Pretty flowers! I love watching all the roses bloom on my mom's rosebushes. They brighten my day every time I walk through the yard. :)

They went from this....

.....to this in a matter of days! Amazing!

...Picnics!! Picnics are my favorite! I love taking the time to go enjoy the sunshine and eat in the grass with people I love.

We went on a Sunday picnic!
And waded in the creek. :)

I super love this picture. :) 

Summer is also for... Sandals! And soda! And pretty green grass. :) And baseball games! I don't usually love baseball, but we go every year for a company party for my dad. This year I enjoyed it more than usual. I think it's probably because I've been so stressed with getting ready for my internship. I've had some big due dates in the last week or so and since I got it all done I FINALLY had time to kick back and relax a bit. I think I forgot what that was like. :)

I think the scariest part of my summer internship planning is over (at least for now... fingers crossed) but we all know it only gets worse from here. So in the mean time I am going to make time for more fun things! So far all I have is Lagoon on my agenda. We are going next week for a daddy/daughters day! But other than that? I am very open to suggestions. Bring on summer. :)

Wait a minute! My post wouldn't be complete without a song now, would it? Here is one that I have really been enjoying lately. (For obvious seasonal reasons).

"I like blue skies and hot nights, kisses by the firelight... 

Just like summertime. 

And I like cold sips of soda, picnics on the corner... 

Just like summertime!"

Summertime is my absolute favorite. I love you all, I miss my Provo friends like crazy, and as always... life is so good!

❤, Meagan

All You Can Do is Keep Breathing

I finally feel like I can breathe again! And that is saying something. This last week or so has been nuts! I have put a good 5 hours or so a day into planning for my internship. Friday and Saturday I worked on my curriculum map for like 12 hours, which I FINISHED!! Yay!! :) And Monday I spent the whole day (9-3) at the elementary school with Brittany getting things planned out. Monday was our due date, but we were still feeling in over our heads, so we asked for an extension on the lesson plan due dates. We met again today and spent 9-3 at the school. We managed to finish everything but math! So we are going again tomorrow to finish that. My lesson plans for the first week of school are 30 pages long single spaced on Microsoft Word and counting. It's sort of insane, but I look at them and I am so proud!

Almost every time I go to my school I run into one of the little girls that is in my class. She always says hi to me, and it is exciting! She is a cute girl. I've been called Miss Jardine a lot during practicum and whatnot, but every time she says hi to me I'm like... Holy cow! I'm a teacher! It's official. I'm a grown-up. Sort of. ;)

I was running on only 4 hours of sleep today, so I am amazed that I got as much done as I did. I think I am getting really good at being exhausted all the time, which is actually a good trait for a first year teacher to have! So in that case all is well, haha.

On a happier note, I am going country dancing tonight. For the first time in months!! I am so excited. :) I have been saying that I need to get out more, (and it's very true. I'm a hermit, really.) So this will be fun! I've just been a giant stress case this last week or so, and lamenting the fact that I don't have time for anything fun, so it will be good to get out and blow off some steam. If I can stay awake... ;) I was going to take a nap, but I somehow just got suckered into making dinner.
And after tonight? I will take a deep breath and dive into more deadlines. Wish me luck!... And time for sleep.
❤, Meagan

P.S - The post title comes from this song. It's one of my favorites for when I feel like life is too much too handle. Enjoy. :)

Beautiful/Crazy/Busy/Amazing!

I guess I lied about writing once a week. I'm sort of going crazy with all this internship stuff. On the bright side... Somebody needed advice on their own planning yesterday and asked me for help because I seem so on top of things! That was a confidence booster. :) However, right now all I am doing is procrastinating. That's when I get really good at writing in my blog. ;)

The other day I was doing some stats on my internship so far.
I have currently spent about $100 of my own money getting ready for it,
I have spent 7.5 hours (if you count time of people helping me) just cutting out lamination,
I have had about 24 hours worth of (unpaid) meetings so far this summer,
And I have put more hours into preparing for it than I can even count right now.

Someone mentioned to me the other day that they never understood why people go back to college for degree after degree, but then they decided that it's because college is so much easier than real-life jobs! I completely agree, haha. This is nuts.
Good thing I chose to do something that I love!

Status Update:
I had a birthday since my last post! I don't know about you, but I'm feeling 22! ;)
I also started contributing to my friend's gratitude blog. I don't write in it as often as I should. (Common theme?) But it helps me remember during all the stress what is so great about my life. And there are lots of wonderful things! Check it out if you so desire. :) http://pointsofgratitude.blogspot.com/
I got to go swimming the other night! It was sort of freezing, and we had to be quiet so their neighbors wouldn't call the cops, but it was fun, and it made this summer finally actually FEEL like summer. (An entire month in.)
Also- I went to Provo and hung out with all my Provo friends for the weekend. It may have involved tennis, handstands, Zumba, and being completely wrapped up/stuck to someone else via Saran Wrap. I was sore for like 3 days! My life doesn't get that exciting at home. I miss college!

Anyway... I really do love this beautiful, crazy, BUSY but amazing life!!
❤, Meagan

I'm a Big Kid Now!

Contrary to the slogan I stole for my title, the purpose of this post is not to announce that I am finally potty-trained. Fortunately, that happened a LONG time ago. Although... speaking of being a little baby... Yesterday my parents and I were in a total panic because my birth certificate was missing. I needed to get my license renewed before Saturday (my birthday!) and my parents had misplaced it. I was all paranoid that the DMV wouldn't accept my other "unofficial" one that we had used my whole life, and I would have to be driven around like a 12-year-old until we could get me a new one. And I was frustrated that my existence/old driver's license would not have been enough to prove that I was 1) BORN, and 2) Who I say I am. So we ordered a new one last night ($42.50! Who knew that shipping on a single piece of paper can cost $19?? Ridiculous.) In the mean-time I was going to just try my luck with the unofficial one.

Anyway... Today I did a lot of grown-up real world things. Like go to new employee orientation for my teaching job! (Guess what I found in the envelope with my social security card when they made a copy of that? You guessed it, my birth certificate. Holy cow.) After that I went and got my picture taken for my teacher ID badge, which I should get in a few days. Then I went to the DMV and got my license renewed. I get a horizontal one this time. I'm a real grown-up now! Now I can go clubbing "at-a-glance". Not that I will... But my picture this time is far better than the last one, so I guess that's good. Since I accomplished all of this before noon, I treated myself to lunch at Costa Vida. Yum! I love that place. :) Then I came home and napped for an hour. One of these days I will even tackle the growing pile of laundry in my closet.

I never reported on the PRAXIS! That was an interesting experience. I had to either wear short sleeves or pull up my sleeves for the test administrators. And I wasn't wearing socks, so I didn't have to pull up my pant legs like everyone else. I did have to leave my jacket and purse in a locker, though, write a whole paragraph pledging to be ethical (in cursive! Those of you who wonder why you have to learn cursive in 3rd grade because you only ever write your name with it?... That is why, apparently. It is "harder to forge. Especially a whole paragraph." I'm pretty sure it took me a lot longer than it should have) and I got metal detector wanded, signed my name to enter, had my picture taken,  and was personally walked to my seat by one of the test center workers. It was super quiet in there, and there were cameras on the ceiling. It was quite an intimidating atmosphere. However, I actually did REALLY well. :) I think I got a perfect score on the math part! I felt like the real test was much easier than the practice ones that I took online. I had no reason to be so scared! It felt so good to finally be done with it after dreading it for months (and paying $150 for a computerized test. Also ridiculous.)

One more thing - I went to a meeting for my internship on Friday, and the facilitator that I was working with informed me that I am WAY ahead on planning at this point. So my weeks of being stressed and overwhelmed have totally paid off! I was super relieved. Probably a little too relieved, because I haven't actually worked on anything for it since then. Oops!

I hope all of your lives are wonderful, and I will try to go back to writing at least once a week. (I guess it's only been 3 weeks since my last post. That's not too bad, right?) I'm a slacker. Between nannying and internship prep I haven't actually had much downtime this summer. Regardless... Life is great! Busy, but oh so good. :)
❤, Meagan