As an intern I was required to keep a weekly reflection journal. In trying to psych myself up for school starting again tomorrow I read the positive note I left last school year on. (It's easy to be positive when summer is staring you in the face and it's full of endless possibilities. Like sleep. Yeah, I was mostly just excited about sleeping.) Anyway... It was really great to read through this and be reminded of some of the specific reasons why I love this job so much.
"As demanding, difficult, and utterly exhausting as this year was… It reaffirmed my love for this career. I love teaching. I love being that extra influence in a child’s life. I love being the reason that they know something as basic as multiplication, or cursive for the rest of their lives. I love celebrating small achievements with them. I love knowing that I changed their lives and helped them to grow not only academically, but in character as well. I love seizing every teaching moment, and opening children’s eyes to the world around them. I love inspiring them to be better; to love learning and to love reading. I love when a child calls me “teacher” instead of my name. I love it because I am proud to be a teacher. I love when a child accidentally calls me “mom”, then gets all embarrassed. I love silly stories and jokes that don’t make sense. I love pretending things aren't funny because they’re inappropriate, then telling my friends all about it later. I love laughing with my students until none of us can breathe, and bringing it up weeks later. I even love the bad days, because they make the good ones that much more special.
I am so excited for a fresh start with a new class, and at a new school. I will miss Riverton Elementary and all of the amazing experiences that I had here. But after this year… I honestly feel like I can handle whatever next year throws at me."
I loved reading back over this, because I am now nervous for this fresh start. I am nervous for a new school, a new team, and not having the fallback of my BYU mentor teacher when I need her. I am nervous for new curriculum and methods. But at the same time I am so excited for this. I am excited to only be a teacher. Being a student simultaneously was so difficult! I am excited for first impressions, and to start new with new students that haven't had a chance to frazzle me yet. I am excited that I am not a first-year teacher anymore, and am confident enough, even at the beginning of the school year, to contribute in team meetings. I am excited that the first-year teachers look up to me and are coming to me for help. I am excited that the veteran teachers are coming to me for fresh ideas. I am just excited. I have missed teaching. Ask me again in a few weeks, and I might tell you a different story. But for the time being...? Bring on year 2!! :)
♥, Meagan
Sunday, August 17, 2014
Wednesday, June 4, 2014
Teaching is...
I wrote this way back in September to answer some interview questions a friend of mine had about being a first year teacher. It is interesting to re-read what I wrote as a wide-eyed, fairly fresh intern. I still share many of these same sentiments but I have accomplished so much and come so far since then!
...
I chose to teach because I wanted a career that would feel rewarding. I see every day the difference that I am making in these kids' lives. I also wanted something that I knew I would never get tired of. Teaching is new and different every day. I never feel like things are routine and boring, because there are always things to be done, questions to be answered, and fires to be put out. It definitely keeps me jumping. When I got to BYU I almost talked myself out of it, thinking that I was just following a childhood dream, and not something that I still wanted to do. I thought about many different paths, but all of them led back to kids. I thought about psychology, and child counseling, I thought about school psychology, I thought about social work in the schools, and finally realized that my passion was with children and helping them to have the best future possible. The natural choice after that felt like teaching.
The thing I love most about teaching is the look on a kid's face when they finally understand a tough concept. I also love knowing that I personally am responsible for teaching kids super basic concepts like multiplication and division. These basic things that we know how to do, that we take for granted, and that are such an integral part of our lives...? They know those things because of me. I love knowing that I am making a difference in not only these kids' lives, but in every life that they are going to touch as well. I love the teachable moments that aren't necessarily academic ones. I love those moments where I am not just teaching them about math, social studies, writing... but also about life. I love knowing that I am teaching life lessons and showing them how to be not only good students, but good people. And I honestly love being their crying shoulder, knowing that they love and trust me enough to clue me into the more personal parts of their lives.
A specific example of this may be the other day when one of my boys was being so bad all day. He would not listen, he was talking back, and being openly defiant of me. I dealt with it all day until afternoon recess when I pulled him aside as the others were leaving to question him about his behavior. I asked him if he was being very respectful, to which he replied "no." I asked him why, and he said "Because I'm angry!" I asked him why he was angry and he said "because my dad won't talk to me!" At this point he just broke down crying. I was very grateful that I had asked him what was going on rather than simply reprimanding him, because that would have made the situation worse. Instead I told him I am so sorry that he and his dad are fighting, but that he should not treat other people badly when they are not the ones that he is angry with. Moments like these are powerful teaching moments, and I am glad that I can be there to be that positive example that kids need.
I think one of the hardest aspects of teaching, honestly, is pleasing every parent. Things that work for one kid don't necessarily work for another. I have one child in my class that is severely ADHD and the family refuses to medicate him. That is their personal decision, but as a result, I feel like I am giving this particular child way more attention than is fair to the others, because I am always having to attend to some inappropriate behavior or checking that he is on task or even attempting to get his work done. I have tried countless strategies with him, and I just feel like no matter how hard I try, I am just not getting him where he needs to be. I had been trying to get ahold of his parents for a few weeks and they were not responding. Realizing that I wasn't going to get any help here, I decided to try collaborating with his past teachers, and with some of the other 3rd grade teachers at my school. After this I finally felt like I had some good ideas, and was trying to put them into practice. That very day his father called me, terribly upset that I had been communicating with the mother instead of him, and got mad at me for nobody communicating with him about his son. He was upset that I was sending his kid to one-on-one reading instruction with a reading aid and claimed that "it should not take more than one person to educate his child." He was also upset with some of his sons behavior problems that I "could not control", informed me that I must not be strict enough, and because I was getting reading help for his child and could not eliminate his behavior problems that I was "obviously not doing my job right." He attributed this to my first year teacher status. He was very rude, and his comments quite uncalled for. He raised his voice with me and gave me an earful for 10 minutes, and then hung up without letting me come back with anything or try to get to the bottom of things and figure anything out. After this phone call, he decided to give the principal a call and let him know exactly what he thought of me and my methods. The principal sided with me, but it was still an emotional experience for me. Negative parent contact is the worst, especially when they do not try to actually see the full picture. You can only do so much for a child, and when you feel like you are truly trying your best, giving it every effort you can, and the parents are still not pleased, that's when it gets tough. Parents do know their children better than their teachers do, that is not even a question. But.. Parents do not know how to teach like teachers do. They have not had 4+ years of training for it. Along those lines, I don't know how to parent like they do. We each have our specialties, and I believe that they should stay separate.
Now that I am actually teaching, I think I am more confident in my abilities as a whole. Lesson planning and grading, and everything like that is tough and incredibly time consuming, but it is not as challenging as I anticipated. However, when it comes to reaching each individual student, I think I am slightly less confident. I did not anticipate such a wide range of abilities all in one classroom. Sure, they are all the same age and in the same grade, but I teach 3rd grade and I have students in my class at anywhere from a 1st grade reading/writing level to a 5th. It is tough to make sure that my instruction is developmentally appropriate for every child. I don't want to lose my lower kids, but I do not want to bore my higher kids. There are also those kids that will ask for help when they don't understand, as well as other students who will silently struggle. They will never approach me or ask for help with anything, because they are either too shy to talk to the teacher/authority figure, or simply don't want me to know that they are struggling. Because of this, finding that balance and making accommodations for every child is a huge challenge.
I think that my teacher program was fairly effective in teaching me how to teach, in theory. It taught me all of the needed content knowledge, and many helpful strategies. However, I think that something as all-encompassing as actually teaching really only comes with sustained practice. I did have hands-on opportunities. I did 2 month-long practicums, but that was in someone else's classroom. I was only teaching a few lessons a day. I was responsible for the grading for those lessons, but that was it. Now I am in charge of everything! Grading, planning (for all day, every day), parent communication, and really, truly knowing as much as possible about each kid and where they are/should be academically, emotionally, and socially. My hardest struggle with my first year of teaching is classroom management. This is something that I am constantly being encouraged to improve on. I had a 3 credit class my junior year at BYU called "Classroom Management", and I got tons of great ideas from it, but once again- this is definitely something that you really just learn by doing. In practicums I used someone else's management system. The kids were already used to it, so they responded to it. Coming up with my own and successfully implementing it has been difficult.
I fully believe that teaching is a profession. Obviously I'm a bit biased, but I can't stand when people say it is not. Teaching is a career that requires specialized training. Not just a few months, but at least 4 years of it. It is one of the fastest-changing fields, so it requires professional development and training quite often. Teachers need to stay up to date on new technologies, and the ever-changing new and best practices. Teaching is also a job that isn't just a job. It's my whole life. I am at school from 7:30 to 6 almost every day and after that I take things home with me to grade and plan. Work does not stay at work. When that much of your life is devoted to something that you've trained so hard for I would definitely call it a profession.
Teaching is being busier and more stressed than you ever thought possible, but so rewarding.
...
I see every day what a difference I am making in these children's lives. Not only in their academic abilities, but their life skills as well. Regardless of tough situations and a tough class, I really have loved this year and I love this profession. :)
♥, Meagan
...
I chose to teach because I wanted a career that would feel rewarding. I see every day the difference that I am making in these kids' lives. I also wanted something that I knew I would never get tired of. Teaching is new and different every day. I never feel like things are routine and boring, because there are always things to be done, questions to be answered, and fires to be put out. It definitely keeps me jumping. When I got to BYU I almost talked myself out of it, thinking that I was just following a childhood dream, and not something that I still wanted to do. I thought about many different paths, but all of them led back to kids. I thought about psychology, and child counseling, I thought about school psychology, I thought about social work in the schools, and finally realized that my passion was with children and helping them to have the best future possible. The natural choice after that felt like teaching.
The thing I love most about teaching is the look on a kid's face when they finally understand a tough concept. I also love knowing that I personally am responsible for teaching kids super basic concepts like multiplication and division. These basic things that we know how to do, that we take for granted, and that are such an integral part of our lives...? They know those things because of me. I love knowing that I am making a difference in not only these kids' lives, but in every life that they are going to touch as well. I love the teachable moments that aren't necessarily academic ones. I love those moments where I am not just teaching them about math, social studies, writing... but also about life. I love knowing that I am teaching life lessons and showing them how to be not only good students, but good people. And I honestly love being their crying shoulder, knowing that they love and trust me enough to clue me into the more personal parts of their lives.
A specific example of this may be the other day when one of my boys was being so bad all day. He would not listen, he was talking back, and being openly defiant of me. I dealt with it all day until afternoon recess when I pulled him aside as the others were leaving to question him about his behavior. I asked him if he was being very respectful, to which he replied "no." I asked him why, and he said "Because I'm angry!" I asked him why he was angry and he said "because my dad won't talk to me!" At this point he just broke down crying. I was very grateful that I had asked him what was going on rather than simply reprimanding him, because that would have made the situation worse. Instead I told him I am so sorry that he and his dad are fighting, but that he should not treat other people badly when they are not the ones that he is angry with. Moments like these are powerful teaching moments, and I am glad that I can be there to be that positive example that kids need.
I think one of the hardest aspects of teaching, honestly, is pleasing every parent. Things that work for one kid don't necessarily work for another. I have one child in my class that is severely ADHD and the family refuses to medicate him. That is their personal decision, but as a result, I feel like I am giving this particular child way more attention than is fair to the others, because I am always having to attend to some inappropriate behavior or checking that he is on task or even attempting to get his work done. I have tried countless strategies with him, and I just feel like no matter how hard I try, I am just not getting him where he needs to be. I had been trying to get ahold of his parents for a few weeks and they were not responding. Realizing that I wasn't going to get any help here, I decided to try collaborating with his past teachers, and with some of the other 3rd grade teachers at my school. After this I finally felt like I had some good ideas, and was trying to put them into practice. That very day his father called me, terribly upset that I had been communicating with the mother instead of him, and got mad at me for nobody communicating with him about his son. He was upset that I was sending his kid to one-on-one reading instruction with a reading aid and claimed that "it should not take more than one person to educate his child." He was also upset with some of his sons behavior problems that I "could not control", informed me that I must not be strict enough, and because I was getting reading help for his child and could not eliminate his behavior problems that I was "obviously not doing my job right." He attributed this to my first year teacher status. He was very rude, and his comments quite uncalled for. He raised his voice with me and gave me an earful for 10 minutes, and then hung up without letting me come back with anything or try to get to the bottom of things and figure anything out. After this phone call, he decided to give the principal a call and let him know exactly what he thought of me and my methods. The principal sided with me, but it was still an emotional experience for me. Negative parent contact is the worst, especially when they do not try to actually see the full picture. You can only do so much for a child, and when you feel like you are truly trying your best, giving it every effort you can, and the parents are still not pleased, that's when it gets tough. Parents do know their children better than their teachers do, that is not even a question. But.. Parents do not know how to teach like teachers do. They have not had 4+ years of training for it. Along those lines, I don't know how to parent like they do. We each have our specialties, and I believe that they should stay separate.
Now that I am actually teaching, I think I am more confident in my abilities as a whole. Lesson planning and grading, and everything like that is tough and incredibly time consuming, but it is not as challenging as I anticipated. However, when it comes to reaching each individual student, I think I am slightly less confident. I did not anticipate such a wide range of abilities all in one classroom. Sure, they are all the same age and in the same grade, but I teach 3rd grade and I have students in my class at anywhere from a 1st grade reading/writing level to a 5th. It is tough to make sure that my instruction is developmentally appropriate for every child. I don't want to lose my lower kids, but I do not want to bore my higher kids. There are also those kids that will ask for help when they don't understand, as well as other students who will silently struggle. They will never approach me or ask for help with anything, because they are either too shy to talk to the teacher/authority figure, or simply don't want me to know that they are struggling. Because of this, finding that balance and making accommodations for every child is a huge challenge.
I think that my teacher program was fairly effective in teaching me how to teach, in theory. It taught me all of the needed content knowledge, and many helpful strategies. However, I think that something as all-encompassing as actually teaching really only comes with sustained practice. I did have hands-on opportunities. I did 2 month-long practicums, but that was in someone else's classroom. I was only teaching a few lessons a day. I was responsible for the grading for those lessons, but that was it. Now I am in charge of everything! Grading, planning (for all day, every day), parent communication, and really, truly knowing as much as possible about each kid and where they are/should be academically, emotionally, and socially. My hardest struggle with my first year of teaching is classroom management. This is something that I am constantly being encouraged to improve on. I had a 3 credit class my junior year at BYU called "Classroom Management", and I got tons of great ideas from it, but once again- this is definitely something that you really just learn by doing. In practicums I used someone else's management system. The kids were already used to it, so they responded to it. Coming up with my own and successfully implementing it has been difficult.
I fully believe that teaching is a profession. Obviously I'm a bit biased, but I can't stand when people say it is not. Teaching is a career that requires specialized training. Not just a few months, but at least 4 years of it. It is one of the fastest-changing fields, so it requires professional development and training quite often. Teachers need to stay up to date on new technologies, and the ever-changing new and best practices. Teaching is also a job that isn't just a job. It's my whole life. I am at school from 7:30 to 6 almost every day and after that I take things home with me to grade and plan. Work does not stay at work. When that much of your life is devoted to something that you've trained so hard for I would definitely call it a profession.
Teaching is being busier and more stressed than you ever thought possible, but so rewarding.
...
I see every day what a difference I am making in these children's lives. Not only in their academic abilities, but their life skills as well. Regardless of tough situations and a tough class, I really have loved this year and I love this profession. :)
♥, Meagan
Sunday, January 5, 2014
Empathy Will Get the Best of Me
I have been noticing lately what an empathetic person I am. This strikes me as a bit funny, because I have really prided myself in the past for my ability to control my emotions, and the fact that I am not your stereotypical emotional female. However, other people's emotions really rub off on me.
Rarely do I ever cry over experiences in my own life (it has to be something very major), but sad things in other people's lives get to me. When people that I care about are having an emotional day, for good or bad, I do too. Obviously to a bit of a smaller extent, but I tend to mirror them. A few examples:
One day a student was crying because his classmate had called him a cheater at Heads Up 7 Up. He was quite distraught, because he had not been cheating. He was crying, and I was just talking to him about how he should not let other people define him. I told him that as long as he was not cheating and he knew that he was doing the right thing that he should feel good about himself and not worry about the other person. As I was telling him this I felt myself tearing up. I was really confused. Who knew that was such an emotional game? Not I.
I was dating someone recently, and he had an awful day. He was feeling really upset about it. Something had happened with a friend that really wasn't his fault, but he felt like it was, and it had him really down. I could tell how sad he was about it and even though I was not even involved in the situation it really brought me down, too. That night and part of the next day I was feeling kind of mopey, too…. Until I realized how ridiculous it was to have a bad day just because someone else was.
I think that even though it can be a pain sometimes to feel what other people are feeling so strongly, that I really benefit from it too. I like being able to truly see where people are coming from. I like that they know that I really do care, and that I want to understand and be there for them. Because of this trait, I think that those in my life: friends, family, students, etc. can really see that I love them and are able to take comfort in that.
Maybe instead of my empathy getting the best of me… Maybe it is the best of me, and right now I really need to be looking for those things.
♥, Meagan
Rarely do I ever cry over experiences in my own life (it has to be something very major), but sad things in other people's lives get to me. When people that I care about are having an emotional day, for good or bad, I do too. Obviously to a bit of a smaller extent, but I tend to mirror them. A few examples:
One day a student was crying because his classmate had called him a cheater at Heads Up 7 Up. He was quite distraught, because he had not been cheating. He was crying, and I was just talking to him about how he should not let other people define him. I told him that as long as he was not cheating and he knew that he was doing the right thing that he should feel good about himself and not worry about the other person. As I was telling him this I felt myself tearing up. I was really confused. Who knew that was such an emotional game? Not I.
I was dating someone recently, and he had an awful day. He was feeling really upset about it. Something had happened with a friend that really wasn't his fault, but he felt like it was, and it had him really down. I could tell how sad he was about it and even though I was not even involved in the situation it really brought me down, too. That night and part of the next day I was feeling kind of mopey, too…. Until I realized how ridiculous it was to have a bad day just because someone else was.
I think that even though it can be a pain sometimes to feel what other people are feeling so strongly, that I really benefit from it too. I like being able to truly see where people are coming from. I like that they know that I really do care, and that I want to understand and be there for them. Because of this trait, I think that those in my life: friends, family, students, etc. can really see that I love them and are able to take comfort in that.
Maybe instead of my empathy getting the best of me… Maybe it is the best of me, and right now I really need to be looking for those things.
♥, Meagan
Monday, December 30, 2013
Dear Grandma and Grandpa . . .
(This blog post is from the beginning of October. Apparently I forgot to post it, because I found it hanging out in my drafts.)
We learned the proper format for writing letters this week. Ones like these remind me why I wanted to teach.
Dear Grandma & Grandpa
how are you doing I love you. I am likeing 3rd grade! my teachers names miss Jardine, she is nice.
I hope you are great! I leaned multition, and divition. we leaned cusive, letters, and Riverton,.
you are a good grandma and grandpa! what was your favorite grade?
will you please write Back?
Dear Grandma and Grandpa,
Hello! How are you doing? I am doing great and in third grade I am learning so much stuff! I love learning.
In third grade I have a really nice teacher. We have learnd a lot from her and that is why we are really smart and know everything in third grade. We have learned about area, proper nouns, multiplication and division. We have learned so much from the best teacher ever. At home I like to read and play piano. I love it.
I have some questions. How old are you. When can I come over to your house and What is your favorite color. please write me back
And then, there's this one...
Dear Granma and Grandpa,
Hello! How ar you? I am oing good I miss you. I hope we well see echuther soon
My sub is (_____) and she is mean. My teacher is mean I think we shold be oof track we Hav to wat this weak and two mor. I am doing good at Hom
well you wight me back please
Guess who my little toughie is? Oh well. You can't please them all. But I really do love this teaching gig. :)
♥, Meagan
..………………………………………………...
We learned the proper format for writing letters this week. Ones like these remind me why I wanted to teach.
Dear Grandma & Grandpa
how are you doing I love you. I am likeing 3rd grade! my teachers names miss Jardine, she is nice.
I hope you are great! I leaned multition, and divition. we leaned cusive, letters, and Riverton,.
you are a good grandma and grandpa! what was your favorite grade?
will you please write Back?
Dear Grandma and Grandpa,
Hello! How are you doing? I am doing great and in third grade I am learning so much stuff! I love learning.
In third grade I have a really nice teacher. We have learnd a lot from her and that is why we are really smart and know everything in third grade. We have learned about area, proper nouns, multiplication and division. We have learned so much from the best teacher ever. At home I like to read and play piano. I love it.
I have some questions. How old are you. When can I come over to your house and What is your favorite color. please write me back
Dear Granma and Grandpa,
Hello! How ar you? I am oing good I miss you. I hope we well see echuther soon
My sub is (_____) and she is mean. My teacher is mean I think we shold be oof track we Hav to wat this weak and two mor. I am doing good at Hom
well you wight me back please
Guess who my little toughie is? Oh well. You can't please them all. But I really do love this teaching gig. :)
♥, Meagan
Sunday, September 15, 2013
I Can't Complain!
Wow. Saying that this internship would keep me busy was an understatement. This internship is my LIFE! I get to school around 7:30 every morning, then stay until 6 every night when the janitor makes me go home. Then I lug a bunch of papers and notebooks and things to grade home with me and do that most of the night. And when I finally do get the chance to be social... What do I talk about? School. This happened, and this student said this, and oh my goodness I have to get this done... Sheesh. It's consumed me. Don't get me wrong, I really love this job. But it is so hard! I really miss having a life outside of school.
I have decided that nothing is harder than teaching while sick. This last week has been so taxing. I have been trying to get over a cold for about a week and a half now. Last Saturday was the worst of it. I got to sleep in until 9 (I love how that is sleeping in for me now), woke up coughing so hard I couldn't breathe, begged Samantha to take me to the store for cough drops and a Jamba Juice, then watched a bit of TV before deciding that after being up for a whopping 3 hours I needed a nap. I was in and out of bed all day (mostly in), before begging my dad to make me soup, and finally calling my facilitator around 6:30 to freak out about how I hadn't been able to get any lesson planning done yet. I sort of broke down on the phone (so embarrassing), at which she basically told me to go to bed and try again the next day. Normally my whole weeks' worth of lesson plans would be due Monday morning by 8am, but she took pity on my and said to just get Monday done and we could take it a day at a time. I was grateful, but not being ahead of the game stresses me out. Also, I knew that I was being observed for my JPAS (Jordan District teacher observation system where the principal randomly comes in twice in a week-ish time frame to observe your teaching)... and I had an inkling that it was going to be on Monday. So Monday I got out of bed, forced myself to school, and put on a brave, although still coughing, face. I survived my observation that day, switching classrooms the next (again- yay for the track change being in the middle of the week instead of on Fridays like usual...), and another observation Thursday afternoon. This week was the hardest week of my life, I swear it. But I made it through, and I'm pretty positive that I can handle whatever else this internship will throw at me.
I promise more details later. Every day is a new and exciting experience; for better or for worse. I am not short on stories, but I am definitely short on time to write them all down.
With all the ups and downs I feel like this song should be my life motto right about now. It just rings so true to this whole internship thing! Enjoy. :)
In conclusion: As exhausting and difficult as this experience has been so far, every single time one of my students says something nice about me or gives me a hug, I just melt. It reminds me why I wanted to do this in the first place, and shows me that even when I feel like giving up I am making a difference!!
So, with that in mind: Life is beautiful!... Mostly.
♥, Meagan
I have decided that nothing is harder than teaching while sick. This last week has been so taxing. I have been trying to get over a cold for about a week and a half now. Last Saturday was the worst of it. I got to sleep in until 9 (I love how that is sleeping in for me now), woke up coughing so hard I couldn't breathe, begged Samantha to take me to the store for cough drops and a Jamba Juice, then watched a bit of TV before deciding that after being up for a whopping 3 hours I needed a nap. I was in and out of bed all day (mostly in), before begging my dad to make me soup, and finally calling my facilitator around 6:30 to freak out about how I hadn't been able to get any lesson planning done yet. I sort of broke down on the phone (so embarrassing), at which she basically told me to go to bed and try again the next day. Normally my whole weeks' worth of lesson plans would be due Monday morning by 8am, but she took pity on my and said to just get Monday done and we could take it a day at a time. I was grateful, but not being ahead of the game stresses me out. Also, I knew that I was being observed for my JPAS (Jordan District teacher observation system where the principal randomly comes in twice in a week-ish time frame to observe your teaching)... and I had an inkling that it was going to be on Monday. So Monday I got out of bed, forced myself to school, and put on a brave, although still coughing, face. I survived my observation that day, switching classrooms the next (again- yay for the track change being in the middle of the week instead of on Fridays like usual...), and another observation Thursday afternoon. This week was the hardest week of my life, I swear it. But I made it through, and I'm pretty positive that I can handle whatever else this internship will throw at me.
I promise more details later. Every day is a new and exciting experience; for better or for worse. I am not short on stories, but I am definitely short on time to write them all down.
With all the ups and downs I feel like this song should be my life motto right about now. It just rings so true to this whole internship thing! Enjoy. :)
"I know some days I'm gonna stumble, and I know the cookie's gonna crumble, and I know life is gonna suck some days... But I can't complain!"
In conclusion: As exhausting and difficult as this experience has been so far, every single time one of my students says something nice about me or gives me a hug, I just melt. It reminds me why I wanted to do this in the first place, and shows me that even when I feel like giving up I am making a difference!!
So, with that in mind: Life is beautiful!... Mostly.
♥, Meagan
Friday, July 26, 2013
Small Moments
I know you are all dying to hear about my internship. Or maybe not, but regardless... I just haven't had time to report much. Here's a little peek at my last minute preparation for it, even if it was mostly just mental prep.
On Wednesday my school was closed, because it was a holiday (Pioneer Day) and school was starting the next day, so it was pretty much do or die at that point. I had to go to Provo to grab some mail since the school district keeps sending it to Provo instead of South Jordan no matter how many times I remind them that I don't live in Provo. After getting my mail, I had time to catch up with friends and roommates, and enlist help in cutting out lamination (yeah, more! It never ends.) I decided to leave for home earlier than I normally would have had school not been starting the next day. (Eep!) I was a little bit in freak-out mode, as every mile got me closer to home and bed, and school starting the next day! But then, amidst all the driving and psyching myself out I looked out the window and I saw the prettiest clouds! They looked something like this:
On Wednesday my school was closed, because it was a holiday (Pioneer Day) and school was starting the next day, so it was pretty much do or die at that point. I had to go to Provo to grab some mail since the school district keeps sending it to Provo instead of South Jordan no matter how many times I remind them that I don't live in Provo. After getting my mail, I had time to catch up with friends and roommates, and enlist help in cutting out lamination (yeah, more! It never ends.) I decided to leave for home earlier than I normally would have had school not been starting the next day. (Eep!) I was a little bit in freak-out mode, as every mile got me closer to home and bed, and school starting the next day! But then, amidst all the driving and psyching myself out I looked out the window and I saw the prettiest clouds! They looked something like this:
It was then I realized that there is beauty all around me, and I need to take the time to stop and enjoy it... Especially when I feel like I don't have time to. I don't want to get so stressed that all I see is negative. I want to remember to notice the small, simple and beautiful things in my life.
I absolutely love it when the sky looks like this. It makes me feel like I am looking straight at Heaven. This moment just reminded me that yes, this internship is scary and intensely overwhelming, but I am not alone. I have a loving Heavenly Father that will be right there for me every step of the way. When I feel like I'm drowning, and I just can't do it all I know that He will provide the motivation and the means for me to accomplish all things. It was a great moment for me, and it gave me such an immense feeling of peace! From that moment I felt like I could handle things. Even as I woke up and prepared for that first morning, and as the parents/kids started filing in, I was able to calmly greet them and present a well put together front. This peace has carried me through these first 2 days, and I am so thankful for that! I am incredibly grateful for this opportunity and the knowledge that I am doing what I am meant to be, and also for the knowledge that I CAN DO HARD THINGS and in turn, accomplish GREAT things. :)
Here's to an undoubtedly fantastic year!
♥, Meagan
Friday, July 5, 2013
Perfection vs. Perfectionism
This week in institute we were talking about self-esteem and why it is so important in our lives and our relationships. One boy mentioned that there is a difference between being a perfectionist and striving for perfection. At first thought I didn't see it, but as he explained: You do not have to be perfect. Do not beat yourself up or go into bouts of self-loathing every time you make a mistake. IT'S OK TO MESS UP! Christ doesn't expect us to be perfect, so we shouldn't either. What is expected is that we strive for eventual perfection, and keep moving towards it. The most important thing is the happiness that we find along the way. As cheesy as that sounds - we really are meant to be happy. This life is all about finding our place in the world, finding what and who we love, and making the best of every situation.
On a related note, I found this quote and I like it:
"Perfection means not perfect actions in a perfect world, but appropriate actions in an imperfect one."
As I have given this concept more thought this week, and simultaneously realized that my first day of school is 3 weeks from yesterday (eek!), I have realized that this internship is going to be the most intensely difficult (duh), but also the most rewarding thing I have ever done. It will be hard. I will struggle, I will encounter some failures, and there will probably be plenty of tears. This is going to be tough on my perfectionist nature. But... I am confident that there will be moments of greatness. I will triumph, I will laugh, I will love each of my little kiddos, and I will know that I am making a difference. It would be completely unrealistic to expect or even try for a perfect experience. So instead I will just do my best and love every minute of it! :)
❤, Meagan
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