Last year, as a new year's resolution I posted this blog post. In it I discussed how, instead of making new year's resolutions, I wanted to make monthly resolutions. I honestly forgot about them about halfway through the year, but looking back at that post and reading over it tonight struck me for a couple of reasons. As a refresher... Here's what I had.
I am.....
Productive
Kind
Talented
Patient
Brave
Spiritual
Adventurous
Strong
Joyful
Charitable
Thankful
Enough
January: I am Productive. I caught up on my grading, I tried not to stay at work too late doing pointless things, I kept up on my housework, etc. I was going to start this year strong!
February: I am Kind. I tried to respond more nicely to my students (I had a very frustrating class last year, and recognized my impatience with them.) I prayed for my hardest students, and tried to be more service-oriented.
March: I am Talented. I tried to learn a few new songs on the guitar, and practiced the piano more, to grow my talents a bit.
April: I am Patient. I think this is actually where I forgot to actively try for these goals each month. But honestly, every day of last school year was a lesson in patience. I think this is always something I can put more effort into, though. I am a notoriously impatient person when it comes to the smaller, inconsequential things.
May: I am Brave. I don't know that I did anything particularly brave this month, other than finishing what had been the hardest school year of my life up until this point. I feel like that requires a certain amount of bravery. Hahaha.
June: I am Spiritual. I remembered about these goals for a bit, and tried to focus on my scripture reading. I did pretty well for a little bit! This is one life goal that is always up and down for me.
July: I am Adventurous. I vacationed to Mexico, I parasailed, paddle boarded, and tried to make the most of my summer by making other small and random trips. I tried to be more open in my relationships, and had some undesirable adventures, mostly via bad dating experiences. But I learned a lot about myself, even though some of it led to painful learning experiences.
--- Ok, starting about here I am not actively focused on these goals anymore, it is all retrospect and hindsight from here.
August: I am Strong. Holy cow, I did not realize how much I would actually need to recognize my strength that month. That was one of the lowest months of my life up until that point! Thankfully I had AMAZING friends and roommates that helped me talk through my mess of emotions and remind me that I am strong. I am capable. And I am better than I give myself credit for.
September: I am Joyful. I was so joyful! I started dating someone. He was everything I thought I ever wanted. He was kind, chivalrous, and loved me when I felt scarred and completely unlovable. He pulled me from the depths of despair (if you can name that movie, we are kindred spirits). I fell for him so hard and so fast. I told him I loved him (in case you didn't know, that word is terrifying!) And it was a first for me. I was smitten, giddy, and happier than I think I ever had been.
October: I am Charitable. I probably didn't do as well with this as I could have, at least as far as serving everyone around me, but I did love providing for the person I was dating. I loved finding little ways to surprise him, and make his day better. I was the best girlfriend! (Self-proclaimed, but still, right? Haha.) Later we talked about this, and he did not feel that I was very service-oriented during the time we dated because I did not reach out to people in the ward. Honestly, I probably was a bit self-absorbed and lost in the moment, but I was just so over-the-moon happy with my life that I didn't care to look outside of it.
November: I am Thankful. I thought this was appropriate for November. It is easy to find the things you are grateful for around Thanksgiving time. This particular Thanksgiving, I was so wrapped up in my relationship, which honestly had started to get rocky by this point. We had been talking marriage (don't judge me for going so fast. Or do, because it's not really anyone's choice but mine anyway...) but his family was not on board. I had never been disliked by the family of anyone I was dating, and it killed me that it was coming from the family of the person that I wanted to marry! I felt unaccepted, and incompetent, because I couldn't figure out how to fix things, and I wanted nothing more than to be able to do that. There were so. many. teary-eyed nights. So. many. breakdowns that my roomates had to listen to and try to comfort me through. (Thank you, roomies. You are seriously the best, and I am so grateful for you!) But I pushed on with the relationship, because I am stubborn, and determined, and thought it was what was best for me.
December: I am Enough. Again, I was not actively focusing on these goals. Oh, how I should have been! I had lost myself completely in the hardships of life, in wallowing in work troubles, and most of all, in relationship drama. It was overwhelming! It took me 4 months or so after my relationship ended to realize this. Heck, I barely realized this a few weeks ago! I loved that he loved me. I loved who I thought I was going to become with his help. I loved what I thought he saw in me. I did not recognize the constant, every day stress I was feeling with trying to live up to what I thought his expectations were. I am not trying to pin everything on him, or blame him for anything. I still have respect for him, and think he is a wonderful person, but I think that I had misconstrued what he wanted from me, or who I needed to be for him. I think my efforts to make him happy and salvage things became unrealistic, and too much for me to keep up with, and it was incredibly unhealthy for my feelings of self-worth.
Now, moving forward, as 2018 is almost halfway over (what??) I have learned SO MUCH about myself. In this post about January I talked about how hard that month was. My relationship ended, and I completely fell apart. I had put ALL of my time and effort the last 4 months or so into building that relationship, and I no longer knew who I was without the promise of where I thought my future was going. I didn't know how to handle everything I was going through at work (and it was a lot) without someone to come home and vent to, or cuddle with, or cry on. So I cried by myself. A LOT. I didn't know what to do without the constant reassurance that someone loved me, and cared how my day went (I have amazing family and friends who I know would have provided this for me, but I was feeling my loss too much to recognize that fully at the time). I felt like, between work and my personal life, that I had lost everything good about my life all at once, and didn't know what to carry on for, or where to find the strength to do it. So I put my happy face on, and I struggled through one day at a time. I quickly realized that I needed to learn to love myself again without the love of a significant other as validation. I needed to learn to recognize the things about myself that are unique and awesome. I needed to realize that I am a masterpiece all by myself - that I am competent, and worthy of love and respect, and strong in and of myself, not because someone else built me up or made me feel that way.
I have focused so much these past few months on doing what I need to do for me. My relationships do not define me, nor will they ever again. I have learned to put me first - because you cannot build others up, or even live a productive and healthy life until your life is in order. In an effort to pick myself up I ate all my favorite things without anyone telling me they were unhealthy. I bought whatever I wanted (within reason) because I was only providing for myself for the foreseeable future. I watched as much TV as I wanted without anyone telling me I needed to go out and be active. I went on an expensive vacation, which is usually not something I will justify spending lots of money on, but was much needed. I jumped on a cruise ship and fled the country. I visited Mexico, Honduras, and Belize. I didn't talk to children, I took lots of pictures, I made new friends, I enjoyed my own company, and I just let myself be Me! It had been a long time since I was unapolagetically me, without anyone else in mind. And you know what?? All of these things helped me to heal. Almost 6 months after my world came crashing down around me, I can say that I LOVE my life again. I love who I am. I love where I am. I love what I have accomplished. I am not scared of my choices or insecure about my faults anymore. I am just Me. And I AM ENOUGH! Please, know that you are too. :)
❤, Meagan
Showing posts with label Growing Up. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Growing Up. Show all posts
Tuesday, May 22, 2018
Sunday, August 17, 2014
Teaching, Round Two!
As an intern I was required to keep a weekly reflection journal. In trying to psych myself up for school starting again tomorrow I read the positive note I left last school year on. (It's easy to be positive when summer is staring you in the face and it's full of endless possibilities. Like sleep. Yeah, I was mostly just excited about sleeping.) Anyway... It was really great to read through this and be reminded of some of the specific reasons why I love this job so much.
"As demanding, difficult, and utterly exhausting as this year was… It reaffirmed my love for this career. I love teaching. I love being that extra influence in a child’s life. I love being the reason that they know something as basic as multiplication, or cursive for the rest of their lives. I love celebrating small achievements with them. I love knowing that I changed their lives and helped them to grow not only academically, but in character as well. I love seizing every teaching moment, and opening children’s eyes to the world around them. I love inspiring them to be better; to love learning and to love reading. I love when a child calls me “teacher” instead of my name. I love it because I am proud to be a teacher. I love when a child accidentally calls me “mom”, then gets all embarrassed. I love silly stories and jokes that don’t make sense. I love pretending things aren't funny because they’re inappropriate, then telling my friends all about it later. I love laughing with my students until none of us can breathe, and bringing it up weeks later. I even love the bad days, because they make the good ones that much more special.
I am so excited for a fresh start with a new class, and at a new school. I will miss Riverton Elementary and all of the amazing experiences that I had here. But after this year… I honestly feel like I can handle whatever next year throws at me."
I loved reading back over this, because I am now nervous for this fresh start. I am nervous for a new school, a new team, and not having the fallback of my BYU mentor teacher when I need her. I am nervous for new curriculum and methods. But at the same time I am so excited for this. I am excited to only be a teacher. Being a student simultaneously was so difficult! I am excited for first impressions, and to start new with new students that haven't had a chance to frazzle me yet. I am excited that I am not a first-year teacher anymore, and am confident enough, even at the beginning of the school year, to contribute in team meetings. I am excited that the first-year teachers look up to me and are coming to me for help. I am excited that the veteran teachers are coming to me for fresh ideas. I am just excited. I have missed teaching. Ask me again in a few weeks, and I might tell you a different story. But for the time being...? Bring on year 2!! :)
♥, Meagan
"As demanding, difficult, and utterly exhausting as this year was… It reaffirmed my love for this career. I love teaching. I love being that extra influence in a child’s life. I love being the reason that they know something as basic as multiplication, or cursive for the rest of their lives. I love celebrating small achievements with them. I love knowing that I changed their lives and helped them to grow not only academically, but in character as well. I love seizing every teaching moment, and opening children’s eyes to the world around them. I love inspiring them to be better; to love learning and to love reading. I love when a child calls me “teacher” instead of my name. I love it because I am proud to be a teacher. I love when a child accidentally calls me “mom”, then gets all embarrassed. I love silly stories and jokes that don’t make sense. I love pretending things aren't funny because they’re inappropriate, then telling my friends all about it later. I love laughing with my students until none of us can breathe, and bringing it up weeks later. I even love the bad days, because they make the good ones that much more special.
I am so excited for a fresh start with a new class, and at a new school. I will miss Riverton Elementary and all of the amazing experiences that I had here. But after this year… I honestly feel like I can handle whatever next year throws at me."
I loved reading back over this, because I am now nervous for this fresh start. I am nervous for a new school, a new team, and not having the fallback of my BYU mentor teacher when I need her. I am nervous for new curriculum and methods. But at the same time I am so excited for this. I am excited to only be a teacher. Being a student simultaneously was so difficult! I am excited for first impressions, and to start new with new students that haven't had a chance to frazzle me yet. I am excited that I am not a first-year teacher anymore, and am confident enough, even at the beginning of the school year, to contribute in team meetings. I am excited that the first-year teachers look up to me and are coming to me for help. I am excited that the veteran teachers are coming to me for fresh ideas. I am just excited. I have missed teaching. Ask me again in a few weeks, and I might tell you a different story. But for the time being...? Bring on year 2!! :)
♥, Meagan
Sunday, September 15, 2013
I Can't Complain!
Wow. Saying that this internship would keep me busy was an understatement. This internship is my LIFE! I get to school around 7:30 every morning, then stay until 6 every night when the janitor makes me go home. Then I lug a bunch of papers and notebooks and things to grade home with me and do that most of the night. And when I finally do get the chance to be social... What do I talk about? School. This happened, and this student said this, and oh my goodness I have to get this done... Sheesh. It's consumed me. Don't get me wrong, I really love this job. But it is so hard! I really miss having a life outside of school.
I have decided that nothing is harder than teaching while sick. This last week has been so taxing. I have been trying to get over a cold for about a week and a half now. Last Saturday was the worst of it. I got to sleep in until 9 (I love how that is sleeping in for me now), woke up coughing so hard I couldn't breathe, begged Samantha to take me to the store for cough drops and a Jamba Juice, then watched a bit of TV before deciding that after being up for a whopping 3 hours I needed a nap. I was in and out of bed all day (mostly in), before begging my dad to make me soup, and finally calling my facilitator around 6:30 to freak out about how I hadn't been able to get any lesson planning done yet. I sort of broke down on the phone (so embarrassing), at which she basically told me to go to bed and try again the next day. Normally my whole weeks' worth of lesson plans would be due Monday morning by 8am, but she took pity on my and said to just get Monday done and we could take it a day at a time. I was grateful, but not being ahead of the game stresses me out. Also, I knew that I was being observed for my JPAS (Jordan District teacher observation system where the principal randomly comes in twice in a week-ish time frame to observe your teaching)... and I had an inkling that it was going to be on Monday. So Monday I got out of bed, forced myself to school, and put on a brave, although still coughing, face. I survived my observation that day, switching classrooms the next (again- yay for the track change being in the middle of the week instead of on Fridays like usual...), and another observation Thursday afternoon. This week was the hardest week of my life, I swear it. But I made it through, and I'm pretty positive that I can handle whatever else this internship will throw at me.
I promise more details later. Every day is a new and exciting experience; for better or for worse. I am not short on stories, but I am definitely short on time to write them all down.
With all the ups and downs I feel like this song should be my life motto right about now. It just rings so true to this whole internship thing! Enjoy. :)
In conclusion: As exhausting and difficult as this experience has been so far, every single time one of my students says something nice about me or gives me a hug, I just melt. It reminds me why I wanted to do this in the first place, and shows me that even when I feel like giving up I am making a difference!!
So, with that in mind: Life is beautiful!... Mostly.
♥, Meagan
I have decided that nothing is harder than teaching while sick. This last week has been so taxing. I have been trying to get over a cold for about a week and a half now. Last Saturday was the worst of it. I got to sleep in until 9 (I love how that is sleeping in for me now), woke up coughing so hard I couldn't breathe, begged Samantha to take me to the store for cough drops and a Jamba Juice, then watched a bit of TV before deciding that after being up for a whopping 3 hours I needed a nap. I was in and out of bed all day (mostly in), before begging my dad to make me soup, and finally calling my facilitator around 6:30 to freak out about how I hadn't been able to get any lesson planning done yet. I sort of broke down on the phone (so embarrassing), at which she basically told me to go to bed and try again the next day. Normally my whole weeks' worth of lesson plans would be due Monday morning by 8am, but she took pity on my and said to just get Monday done and we could take it a day at a time. I was grateful, but not being ahead of the game stresses me out. Also, I knew that I was being observed for my JPAS (Jordan District teacher observation system where the principal randomly comes in twice in a week-ish time frame to observe your teaching)... and I had an inkling that it was going to be on Monday. So Monday I got out of bed, forced myself to school, and put on a brave, although still coughing, face. I survived my observation that day, switching classrooms the next (again- yay for the track change being in the middle of the week instead of on Fridays like usual...), and another observation Thursday afternoon. This week was the hardest week of my life, I swear it. But I made it through, and I'm pretty positive that I can handle whatever else this internship will throw at me.
I promise more details later. Every day is a new and exciting experience; for better or for worse. I am not short on stories, but I am definitely short on time to write them all down.
With all the ups and downs I feel like this song should be my life motto right about now. It just rings so true to this whole internship thing! Enjoy. :)
"I know some days I'm gonna stumble, and I know the cookie's gonna crumble, and I know life is gonna suck some days... But I can't complain!"
In conclusion: As exhausting and difficult as this experience has been so far, every single time one of my students says something nice about me or gives me a hug, I just melt. It reminds me why I wanted to do this in the first place, and shows me that even when I feel like giving up I am making a difference!!
So, with that in mind: Life is beautiful!... Mostly.
♥, Meagan
Friday, July 26, 2013
Small Moments
I know you are all dying to hear about my internship. Or maybe not, but regardless... I just haven't had time to report much. Here's a little peek at my last minute preparation for it, even if it was mostly just mental prep.
On Wednesday my school was closed, because it was a holiday (Pioneer Day) and school was starting the next day, so it was pretty much do or die at that point. I had to go to Provo to grab some mail since the school district keeps sending it to Provo instead of South Jordan no matter how many times I remind them that I don't live in Provo. After getting my mail, I had time to catch up with friends and roommates, and enlist help in cutting out lamination (yeah, more! It never ends.) I decided to leave for home earlier than I normally would have had school not been starting the next day. (Eep!) I was a little bit in freak-out mode, as every mile got me closer to home and bed, and school starting the next day! But then, amidst all the driving and psyching myself out I looked out the window and I saw the prettiest clouds! They looked something like this:
On Wednesday my school was closed, because it was a holiday (Pioneer Day) and school was starting the next day, so it was pretty much do or die at that point. I had to go to Provo to grab some mail since the school district keeps sending it to Provo instead of South Jordan no matter how many times I remind them that I don't live in Provo. After getting my mail, I had time to catch up with friends and roommates, and enlist help in cutting out lamination (yeah, more! It never ends.) I decided to leave for home earlier than I normally would have had school not been starting the next day. (Eep!) I was a little bit in freak-out mode, as every mile got me closer to home and bed, and school starting the next day! But then, amidst all the driving and psyching myself out I looked out the window and I saw the prettiest clouds! They looked something like this:
It was then I realized that there is beauty all around me, and I need to take the time to stop and enjoy it... Especially when I feel like I don't have time to. I don't want to get so stressed that all I see is negative. I want to remember to notice the small, simple and beautiful things in my life.
I absolutely love it when the sky looks like this. It makes me feel like I am looking straight at Heaven. This moment just reminded me that yes, this internship is scary and intensely overwhelming, but I am not alone. I have a loving Heavenly Father that will be right there for me every step of the way. When I feel like I'm drowning, and I just can't do it all I know that He will provide the motivation and the means for me to accomplish all things. It was a great moment for me, and it gave me such an immense feeling of peace! From that moment I felt like I could handle things. Even as I woke up and prepared for that first morning, and as the parents/kids started filing in, I was able to calmly greet them and present a well put together front. This peace has carried me through these first 2 days, and I am so thankful for that! I am incredibly grateful for this opportunity and the knowledge that I am doing what I am meant to be, and also for the knowledge that I CAN DO HARD THINGS and in turn, accomplish GREAT things. :)
Here's to an undoubtedly fantastic year!
♥, Meagan
Tuesday, May 21, 2013
I'm a Big Kid Now!
Contrary to the slogan I stole for my title, the purpose of this post is not to announce that I am finally potty-trained. Fortunately, that happened a LONG time ago. Although... speaking of being a little baby... Yesterday my parents and I were in a total panic because my birth certificate was missing. I needed to get my license renewed before Saturday (my birthday!) and my parents had misplaced it. I was all paranoid that the DMV wouldn't accept my other "unofficial" one that we had used my whole life, and I would have to be driven around like a 12-year-old until we could get me a new one. And I was frustrated that my existence/old driver's license would not have been enough to prove that I was 1) BORN, and 2) Who I say I am. So we ordered a new one last night ($42.50! Who knew that shipping on a single piece of paper can cost $19?? Ridiculous.) In the mean-time I was going to just try my luck with the unofficial one.
Anyway... Today I did a lot of grown-up real world things. Like go to new employee orientation for my teaching job! (Guess what I found in the envelope with my social security card when they made a copy of that? You guessed it, my birth certificate. Holy cow.) After that I went and got my picture taken for my teacher ID badge, which I should get in a few days. Then I went to the DMV and got my license renewed. I get a horizontal one this time. I'm a real grown-up now! Now I can go clubbing "at-a-glance". Not that I will... But my picture this time is far better than the last one, so I guess that's good. Since I accomplished all of this before noon, I treated myself to lunch at Costa Vida. Yum! I love that place. :) Then I came home and napped for an hour. One of these days I will even tackle the growing pile of laundry in my closet.
I never reported on the PRAXIS! That was an interesting experience. I had to either wear short sleeves or pull up my sleeves for the test administrators. And I wasn't wearing socks, so I didn't have to pull up my pant legs like everyone else. I did have to leave my jacket and purse in a locker, though, write a whole paragraph pledging to be ethical (in cursive! Those of you who wonder why you have to learn cursive in 3rd grade because you only ever write your name with it?... That is why, apparently. It is "harder to forge. Especially a whole paragraph." I'm pretty sure it took me a lot longer than it should have) and I got metal detector wanded, signed my name to enter, had my picture taken, and was personally walked to my seat by one of the test center workers. It was super quiet in there, and there were cameras on the ceiling. It was quite an intimidating atmosphere. However, I actually did REALLY well. :) I think I got a perfect score on the math part! I felt like the real test was much easier than the practice ones that I took online. I had no reason to be so scared! It felt so good to finally be done with it after dreading it for months (and paying $150 for a computerized test. Also ridiculous.)
One more thing - I went to a meeting for my internship on Friday, and the facilitator that I was working with informed me that I am WAY ahead on planning at this point. So my weeks of being stressed and overwhelmed have totally paid off! I was super relieved. Probably a little too relieved, because I haven't actually worked on anything for it since then. Oops!
I hope all of your lives are wonderful, and I will try to go back to writing at least once a week. (I guess it's only been 3 weeks since my last post. That's not too bad, right?) I'm a slacker. Between nannying and internship prep I haven't actually had much downtime this summer. Regardless... Life is great! Busy, but oh so good. :)
❤, Meagan
Anyway... Today I did a lot of grown-up real world things. Like go to new employee orientation for my teaching job! (Guess what I found in the envelope with my social security card when they made a copy of that? You guessed it, my birth certificate. Holy cow.) After that I went and got my picture taken for my teacher ID badge, which I should get in a few days. Then I went to the DMV and got my license renewed. I get a horizontal one this time. I'm a real grown-up now! Now I can go clubbing "at-a-glance". Not that I will... But my picture this time is far better than the last one, so I guess that's good. Since I accomplished all of this before noon, I treated myself to lunch at Costa Vida. Yum! I love that place. :) Then I came home and napped for an hour. One of these days I will even tackle the growing pile of laundry in my closet.
I never reported on the PRAXIS! That was an interesting experience. I had to either wear short sleeves or pull up my sleeves for the test administrators. And I wasn't wearing socks, so I didn't have to pull up my pant legs like everyone else. I did have to leave my jacket and purse in a locker, though, write a whole paragraph pledging to be ethical (in cursive! Those of you who wonder why you have to learn cursive in 3rd grade because you only ever write your name with it?... That is why, apparently. It is "harder to forge. Especially a whole paragraph." I'm pretty sure it took me a lot longer than it should have) and I got metal detector wanded, signed my name to enter, had my picture taken, and was personally walked to my seat by one of the test center workers. It was super quiet in there, and there were cameras on the ceiling. It was quite an intimidating atmosphere. However, I actually did REALLY well. :) I think I got a perfect score on the math part! I felt like the real test was much easier than the practice ones that I took online. I had no reason to be so scared! It felt so good to finally be done with it after dreading it for months (and paying $150 for a computerized test. Also ridiculous.)
One more thing - I went to a meeting for my internship on Friday, and the facilitator that I was working with informed me that I am WAY ahead on planning at this point. So my weeks of being stressed and overwhelmed have totally paid off! I was super relieved. Probably a little too relieved, because I haven't actually worked on anything for it since then. Oops!
I hope all of your lives are wonderful, and I will try to go back to writing at least once a week. (I guess it's only been 3 weeks since my last post. That's not too bad, right?) I'm a slacker. Between nannying and internship prep I haven't actually had much downtime this summer. Regardless... Life is great! Busy, but oh so good. :)
❤, Meagan
Monday, April 22, 2013
BYU, the Final Chapter!
It is officially here... The day that I have looked forward to for the last 4 years. And now I am dreading it? Something is wrong with me.
Every single college "first" was so exciting! I remember feeling like such a grown up the first time I payed rent, the first night that I spent away from home in my very own permanent residence, the first time I went grocery shopping and bought whatever I wanted without someone questioning my spending habits (it would have been very helpful for someone to question my spending habits these last 4 years), the first time I left my apartment at like 1 in the morning and didn't have to tell anyone where I was going, my first day of classes, my first college test (not so exciting once I saw my score), my first finals week, my first calling that wasn't in the Young Women organization (relief society pianist - surprise, surprise!), and everything else! It was so exhilarating!
The time really has flown. I remember feeling like college was soooooo long, and I would never be done. And "holy cow, 4 years is forever... It's like high school all over again!" But, the difference was... I hated high school. College has been the best part of my life so far. If I could freeze time right now and not really have to be done I might just do that. Living in Provo has been so good for me. I have grown so much as a person, both spiritually and in my education. And I have met tons of special and wonderful people that have given me so much happiness and good memories!
All of my college "lasts" have also been exciting, don't get me wrong, but they are sad as well! Samantha (my little sister) asked me a few weeks ago if I was excited to be working on one of my last ever final projects and I said no. She looked at me like I was crazy, and I said "Because that means that I am almost done with college!" She was like... "And you don't want to be?" Me: "No!"
These last few weeks I payed my last rent check, GOT AN INTERNSHIP (Yay!), had my last college class, took my last final (just today, actually), and last night as I was laying in bed talking with my roommate at 2 in the morning about laser hair removal... hahaha... I realized that I only have a few more days of that! I love random 2am conversations with the roommates, and I am now almost done with my college roommate experience! I have had so many ups and downs in that area, but mostly ups... So I am sad to be done with that, too!
Anyway... As mixed as my feelings about everything are, I know that it is time that I move on with my life, whether I feel ready or not. Good things may be ending, but even better things are beginning! I am accomplishing my dreams and moving on in the world, and that is even more exciting than those things that are coming to a close. Life is so amazing!!! And my dear friends who are still in college and struggling through finals/gearing up for next semester... Please don't take it for granted. Because I miss it already!!
❤, Meagan
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
Moving Up in the World!
I apologize for not writing more during practicum. I usually have lots of funny stories and happy moments to share because of the kids, but this practicum I didn't have a ton of those. I felt like it was a very stressful and unhappy month for me, and I try not to write about things that will bog people down. So instead I counted down the days until it was over and hoped for happier things to share. And now I have some!
Alright, folks... Most of you may know this already, but I GOT AN INTERNSHIP!!! I realized I addressed my nerves in the last post, but I couldn't leave all of my avid readers (not sure I actually have any of those) hanging! And I am so excited I just want to tell anyone who will listen. Or read. :)
I will be teaching 3rd grade at Riverton Elementary School! An internship fills the same requirements as student teaching, but instead of being in someone else's classroom I have my very own classroom and receive half salary. Since it is my own classroom, I will be there for the whole year rather than just one semester. I am also on a year-round schedule, so the first day of school will be July 25th, which is super soon. I got offered the intern position last Wednesday, but I didn't know much information until today when my principal called me to let me know some details.
So my day went like this... I was super stoked to go to devotional for the first time in over a month, and one of the Special Education professors was speaking, so I knew it would be great. As soon as I found my friend and sat down, I got a phone call. Recognizing it as from somewhere back home I went out to the hall to answer it. It was the principal of the school I am doing my internship at! He had called to inform me of what grade I would be teaching. When I asked what track (between A and B) he said that since I was the first intern hired, and he will be hiring another one tomorrow that he will let me pick first and the other intern will get what is left over. I was excited, because I wanted A track. That way I will get out of school in June instead of July. (Those of you who are not familiar with the year-round track system this calendar will give you a good idea of what I am talking about.)
We had a little conversation about other expectations and how I will likely be rotating classrooms every time I go off track. But... There is actually an incentive to that. Apparently I get an extra $100 every time I have to do this. Win! After our little discussion he welcomed me aboard and said that the secretary would be getting in touch with me soon.
And she did! She called me about half an hour later and asked for some information so that she could sign me up for "New teacher orientation"! I am so official!! Now that I have some more information about this whole thing it is getting so real! I am so incredibly excited, but also nervous! I'm not really sure when I grew up enough to be in charge of helping to shape 25 young peoples' futures.
Anyway... From our short conversation, my principal seems very nice, and I am looking forward to working with him. (And hopefully a friend, if the other intern is someone that I get along well with.) Life is really looking up and I am definitely moving up in the world. :)
Also look at this website. It's my future home. So excited!!! :)
❤, Meagan
Alright, folks... Most of you may know this already, but I GOT AN INTERNSHIP!!! I realized I addressed my nerves in the last post, but I couldn't leave all of my avid readers (not sure I actually have any of those) hanging! And I am so excited I just want to tell anyone who will listen. Or read. :)
I will be teaching 3rd grade at Riverton Elementary School! An internship fills the same requirements as student teaching, but instead of being in someone else's classroom I have my very own classroom and receive half salary. Since it is my own classroom, I will be there for the whole year rather than just one semester. I am also on a year-round schedule, so the first day of school will be July 25th, which is super soon. I got offered the intern position last Wednesday, but I didn't know much information until today when my principal called me to let me know some details.
So my day went like this... I was super stoked to go to devotional for the first time in over a month, and one of the Special Education professors was speaking, so I knew it would be great. As soon as I found my friend and sat down, I got a phone call. Recognizing it as from somewhere back home I went out to the hall to answer it. It was the principal of the school I am doing my internship at! He had called to inform me of what grade I would be teaching. When I asked what track (between A and B) he said that since I was the first intern hired, and he will be hiring another one tomorrow that he will let me pick first and the other intern will get what is left over. I was excited, because I wanted A track. That way I will get out of school in June instead of July. (Those of you who are not familiar with the year-round track system this calendar will give you a good idea of what I am talking about.)
We had a little conversation about other expectations and how I will likely be rotating classrooms every time I go off track. But... There is actually an incentive to that. Apparently I get an extra $100 every time I have to do this. Win! After our little discussion he welcomed me aboard and said that the secretary would be getting in touch with me soon.
And she did! She called me about half an hour later and asked for some information so that she could sign me up for "New teacher orientation"! I am so official!! Now that I have some more information about this whole thing it is getting so real! I am so incredibly excited, but also nervous! I'm not really sure when I grew up enough to be in charge of helping to shape 25 young peoples' futures.
Anyway... From our short conversation, my principal seems very nice, and I am looking forward to working with him. (And hopefully a friend, if the other intern is someone that I get along well with.) Life is really looking up and I am definitely moving up in the world. :)
Also look at this website. It's my future home. So excited!!! :)
❤, Meagan
Monday, July 23, 2012
My Path to Truth. :)
I don't know if I'll publicly post this or not, or if anyone will even want to read it if I do. (Obviously I did, but this was written about a month and a half ago.)
Lately I've been doing a lot of thinking, and I've been wanting to journal about this ever since I was told months ago in Sunday School that I should. The teacher suggested that we journal about when we said "yes" to God. I thought that was a very interesting way of putting things, and it got me thinking... When did I decide what I truly believed? When did I come into myself and sort out my inner feelings on life and religion?
I always claimed to believe in the church and all of its teachings. I had a few very close friends in high school who, at the time, did not believe in a higher power of any sort. Life was the here and now, so why try to get all philosophical about it... right? Often, they would try to get me to talk about my point of view, but sometimes they would be critical, and I didn't always feel as if they supported me in it, so I generally shyed away from any religious discussions. I was Mormon in a small town where that wasn't necessarily the cool thing to be, and everybody knew you for it. I was a good Mormon though. I followed the church, and did everything that I should to live parallel to the teachings of the church. I knew that the public eye was on me, and I wanted to prove to people that I knew what I was doing, and that I could be true to it, even while I was struggling internally.
It was very hard for me to decide for myself whether or not I truly believed in this Gospel. I know that I have always grown up being told that it is true, and that I truly did love the values instilled by this church. However, it was sometimes hard for me to know that there was a higher power; that there was a God who was watching over me, and extending His love unconditionally. I wanted to believe so badly, and I went to church faithfully every week hoping that someday I would just magically have that rock-solid testimony that I'd always wanted.
I had heard, growing up, that it is ok to lean on someone else's testimony until you have one of your own. My inspiration in this regard was always my older sister, Amanda. She has always had such a sweet spirit about her, and was always true to what she believed. She always prodded me to do the right thing and was just an amazing example of living a good life. However, I feared that I would never have a testimony of my own; that I would never be able to get up in church and say with 100% certainty that "I know this church is true."
I think that I started to sort out my own beliefs when I turned 18 and moved away from home. I needed to get out on my own (sort of- I was living in an apartment with Amanda and 2 other roommates). However, I was away from the pressures of any of my previous friends, and those of trying to lead a particular life because that's what was expected of me. It was a fresh start, and I was surrounded by people who had the same values, and belonged to the same church as me. It was exciting to be around people that I had so much in common with, but I quickly realized that it also made me feel inferior spiritually. These people knew who they were, what they believed, and what they wanted out of life. I had no idea. I wanted to be just like them; I wanted to know these things for myself. Over the course of the year, I went to church every single Sunday and participated in each and every side activity. I still struggled, but I felt like more a part of the church than I ever had before, and I was definitely making more of an effort to belong.
One thing that I have come to realize - for me at least, is that truth comes with knowledge. My sophomore year at BYU I was called as a Gospel Doctrine teacher, and this calling scared me to death. Who was I to teach others about the Gospel? You know... that one thing I have struggled my whole life to fully commit myself to? I was terrified of being a hypocrite, and this was a time-consuming calling. I was so nervous at first. However, through the course of the year I feel like I got a lot better at it. Lessons did not take me as long to prepare, and my voice didn't shake when I talked in front of a room full of people. I felt like I was contributing. I was an integral part of the ward, and I was actually important. This calling helped me to grow immensely, and I learned so much about this Gospel. I learned more through studying and teaching than I ever did through just plain listening. Once I was more informed, I was able to actually apply it into my daily life, and I quickly began to see how the Gospel was literally present in every aspect of my life. That year I did a lot of soul searching. I had a couple of hard moments, but throughout those various struggles, and the frantic and searching prayers that followed, I was able to draw closer to God than I ever had before. I came to realize that I did need Christ in my life, and that His Gospel was the best source for the comfort that I was so desperately seeking. I read 2 Cor. 1:3-6 so many times that year, and many times since. Whenever life starts to feel like too much to handle, I still read over it and pray for that comfort that it promises. Try it, it works! :)
The revelations didn't end there. The experience that has most recently reaffirmed these beliefs and how imperative the Gospel is to my way of life happened just this past week when a friend stayed with me for a few days. I did not know this friend very well when I invited her into my home, but she needed a place to stay and I knew she was going through a difficult time. As we talked long hours into the night and learned more about each other, I was very happy I had been given the opportunity to get to know her better. Her life up to this point has been incredibly difficult. She had to make many decisions that someone of her age should not even have been exposed to yet. She had made a lot of mistakes- things that I could not even imagine having to go through, and in turn had fallen far from the ideals of the church. However, she is now making the effort to come back. This truly amazed me. She is a strong and inspirational woman. It was also a much-needed reminder to me of the gratitude that I should feel every second of every day for the opportunity to be a part of something so amazing; to have the knowledge that I do of this church, and for the contribution it has undeniably been to the person that I have become.
I never magically grew a testimony, but bit by bit I came to know that my Father in Heaven does indeed exist, and that He loves me and wants me to be happy and successful. I know that God will always be there for me, and that I am never alone. I am so grateful for the scriptures and the comfort that they are to me, as well as for the knowledge that when all else fails I can turn to them to calm my troubled heart. I do believe in this Gospel, and I am so incredibly grateful for its constant presence and the guiding force that it has been in my life. I know that it makes up a huge part of my values and beliefs and that it is the single biggest contribution to the person that I am today. I am glad that I never had to question moral issues. I grew up knowing right from wrong, and I am so thankful that I had the opportunity to be born into this church, to grow up with it always being a part of my life. I am so grateful for modern-day revelation, and latter-day prophets. I don't know where I would be without their constant guidance in my life. This is the true church. I know that now, and I am going to do all in my power to strengthen that resolve and solidify my testimony. I have just been called as a Gospel Doctrine teacher (again- best calling ever!) and I am so excited to learn even more about this beautiful Gospel!
I love you all, and thanks so much to those of you who have been such shining examples to me. :)
❤, Meagan
Lately I've been doing a lot of thinking, and I've been wanting to journal about this ever since I was told months ago in Sunday School that I should. The teacher suggested that we journal about when we said "yes" to God. I thought that was a very interesting way of putting things, and it got me thinking... When did I decide what I truly believed? When did I come into myself and sort out my inner feelings on life and religion?
I always claimed to believe in the church and all of its teachings. I had a few very close friends in high school who, at the time, did not believe in a higher power of any sort. Life was the here and now, so why try to get all philosophical about it... right? Often, they would try to get me to talk about my point of view, but sometimes they would be critical, and I didn't always feel as if they supported me in it, so I generally shyed away from any religious discussions. I was Mormon in a small town where that wasn't necessarily the cool thing to be, and everybody knew you for it. I was a good Mormon though. I followed the church, and did everything that I should to live parallel to the teachings of the church. I knew that the public eye was on me, and I wanted to prove to people that I knew what I was doing, and that I could be true to it, even while I was struggling internally.
It was very hard for me to decide for myself whether or not I truly believed in this Gospel. I know that I have always grown up being told that it is true, and that I truly did love the values instilled by this church. However, it was sometimes hard for me to know that there was a higher power; that there was a God who was watching over me, and extending His love unconditionally. I wanted to believe so badly, and I went to church faithfully every week hoping that someday I would just magically have that rock-solid testimony that I'd always wanted.
I had heard, growing up, that it is ok to lean on someone else's testimony until you have one of your own. My inspiration in this regard was always my older sister, Amanda. She has always had such a sweet spirit about her, and was always true to what she believed. She always prodded me to do the right thing and was just an amazing example of living a good life. However, I feared that I would never have a testimony of my own; that I would never be able to get up in church and say with 100% certainty that "I know this church is true."
I think that I started to sort out my own beliefs when I turned 18 and moved away from home. I needed to get out on my own (sort of- I was living in an apartment with Amanda and 2 other roommates). However, I was away from the pressures of any of my previous friends, and those of trying to lead a particular life because that's what was expected of me. It was a fresh start, and I was surrounded by people who had the same values, and belonged to the same church as me. It was exciting to be around people that I had so much in common with, but I quickly realized that it also made me feel inferior spiritually. These people knew who they were, what they believed, and what they wanted out of life. I had no idea. I wanted to be just like them; I wanted to know these things for myself. Over the course of the year, I went to church every single Sunday and participated in each and every side activity. I still struggled, but I felt like more a part of the church than I ever had before, and I was definitely making more of an effort to belong.
One thing that I have come to realize - for me at least, is that truth comes with knowledge. My sophomore year at BYU I was called as a Gospel Doctrine teacher, and this calling scared me to death. Who was I to teach others about the Gospel? You know... that one thing I have struggled my whole life to fully commit myself to? I was terrified of being a hypocrite, and this was a time-consuming calling. I was so nervous at first. However, through the course of the year I feel like I got a lot better at it. Lessons did not take me as long to prepare, and my voice didn't shake when I talked in front of a room full of people. I felt like I was contributing. I was an integral part of the ward, and I was actually important. This calling helped me to grow immensely, and I learned so much about this Gospel. I learned more through studying and teaching than I ever did through just plain listening. Once I was more informed, I was able to actually apply it into my daily life, and I quickly began to see how the Gospel was literally present in every aspect of my life. That year I did a lot of soul searching. I had a couple of hard moments, but throughout those various struggles, and the frantic and searching prayers that followed, I was able to draw closer to God than I ever had before. I came to realize that I did need Christ in my life, and that His Gospel was the best source for the comfort that I was so desperately seeking. I read 2 Cor. 1:3-6 so many times that year, and many times since. Whenever life starts to feel like too much to handle, I still read over it and pray for that comfort that it promises. Try it, it works! :)
The revelations didn't end there. The experience that has most recently reaffirmed these beliefs and how imperative the Gospel is to my way of life happened just this past week when a friend stayed with me for a few days. I did not know this friend very well when I invited her into my home, but she needed a place to stay and I knew she was going through a difficult time. As we talked long hours into the night and learned more about each other, I was very happy I had been given the opportunity to get to know her better. Her life up to this point has been incredibly difficult. She had to make many decisions that someone of her age should not even have been exposed to yet. She had made a lot of mistakes- things that I could not even imagine having to go through, and in turn had fallen far from the ideals of the church. However, she is now making the effort to come back. This truly amazed me. She is a strong and inspirational woman. It was also a much-needed reminder to me of the gratitude that I should feel every second of every day for the opportunity to be a part of something so amazing; to have the knowledge that I do of this church, and for the contribution it has undeniably been to the person that I have become.
I never magically grew a testimony, but bit by bit I came to know that my Father in Heaven does indeed exist, and that He loves me and wants me to be happy and successful. I know that God will always be there for me, and that I am never alone. I am so grateful for the scriptures and the comfort that they are to me, as well as for the knowledge that when all else fails I can turn to them to calm my troubled heart. I do believe in this Gospel, and I am so incredibly grateful for its constant presence and the guiding force that it has been in my life. I know that it makes up a huge part of my values and beliefs and that it is the single biggest contribution to the person that I am today. I am glad that I never had to question moral issues. I grew up knowing right from wrong, and I am so thankful that I had the opportunity to be born into this church, to grow up with it always being a part of my life. I am so grateful for modern-day revelation, and latter-day prophets. I don't know where I would be without their constant guidance in my life. This is the true church. I know that now, and I am going to do all in my power to strengthen that resolve and solidify my testimony. I have just been called as a Gospel Doctrine teacher (again- best calling ever!) and I am so excited to learn even more about this beautiful Gospel!
I love you all, and thanks so much to those of you who have been such shining examples to me. :)
❤, Meagan
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