Teaching, Round Two!

As an intern I was required to keep a weekly reflection journal. In trying to psych myself up for school starting again tomorrow I read the positive note I left last school year on. (It's easy to be positive when summer is staring you in the face and it's full of endless possibilities. Like sleep. Yeah, I was mostly just excited about sleeping.) Anyway... It was really great to read through this and be reminded of some of the specific reasons why I love this job so much. 

"As demanding, difficult, and utterly exhausting as this year was… It reaffirmed my love for this career. I love teaching. I love being that extra influence in a child’s life. I love being the reason that they know something as basic as multiplication, or cursive for the rest of their lives. I love celebrating small achievements with them. I love knowing that I changed their lives and helped them to grow not only academically, but in character as well. I love seizing every teaching moment, and opening children’s eyes to the world around them. I love inspiring them to be better; to love learning and to love reading. I love when a child calls me “teacher” instead of my name. I love it because I am proud to be a teacher. I love when a child accidentally calls me “mom”, then gets all embarrassed. I love silly stories and jokes that don’t make sense. I love pretending things aren't funny because they’re inappropriate, then telling my friends all about it later. I love laughing with my students until none of us can breathe, and bringing it up weeks later. I even love the bad days, because they make the good ones that much more special.

I am so excited for a fresh start with a new class, and at a new school. I will miss Riverton Elementary and all of the amazing experiences that I had here. But after this year… I honestly feel like I can handle whatever next year throws at me."

I loved reading back over this, because I am now nervous for this fresh start. I am nervous for a new school, a new team, and not having the fallback of my BYU mentor teacher when I need her. I am nervous for new curriculum and methods. But at the same time I am so excited for this. I am excited to only be a teacher. Being a student simultaneously was so difficult! I am excited for first impressions, and to start new with new students that haven't had a chance to frazzle me yet. I am excited that I am not a first-year teacher anymore, and am confident enough, even at the beginning of the school year, to contribute in team meetings. I am excited that the first-year teachers look up to me and are coming to me for help. I am excited that the veteran teachers are coming to me for fresh ideas. I am just excited. I have missed teaching. Ask me again in a few weeks, and I might tell you a different story. But for the time being...? Bring on year 2!! :)
♥, Meagan

BYU, the Final Chapter!

It is officially here... The day that I have looked forward to for the last 4 years. And now I am dreading it? Something is wrong with me.

Every single college "first" was so exciting! I remember feeling like such a grown up the first time I payed rent, the first night that I spent away from home in my very own permanent residence, the first time I went grocery shopping and bought whatever I wanted without someone questioning my spending habits (it would have been very helpful for someone to question my spending habits these last 4 years), the first time I left my apartment at like 1 in the morning and didn't have to tell anyone where I was going, my first day of classes, my first college test (not so exciting once I saw my score), my first finals week, my first calling that wasn't in the Young Women organization (relief society pianist - surprise, surprise!), and everything else! It was so exhilarating!

The time really has flown. I remember feeling like college was soooooo long, and I would never be done. And "holy cow, 4 years is forever... It's like high school all over again!" But, the difference was... I hated high school. College has been the best part of my life so far. If I could freeze time right now and not really have to be done I might just do that. Living in Provo has been so good for me. I have grown so much as a person, both spiritually and in my education. And I have met tons of special and wonderful people that have given me so much happiness and good memories!

All of my college "lasts" have also been exciting, don't get me wrong, but they are sad as well! Samantha (my little sister) asked me a few weeks ago if I was excited to be working on one of my last ever final projects and I said no. She looked at me like I was crazy, and I said "Because that means that I am almost done with college!" She was like... "And you don't want to be?" Me: "No!" 

These last few weeks I payed my last rent check, GOT AN INTERNSHIP (Yay!), had my last college class, took my last final (just today, actually), and last night as I was laying in bed talking with my roommate at 2 in the morning about laser hair removal... hahaha... I realized that I only have a few more days of that! I love random 2am conversations with the roommates, and I am now almost done with my college roommate experience! I have had so many ups and downs in that area, but mostly ups... So I am sad to be done with that, too!

Anyway... As mixed as my feelings about everything are, I know that it is time that I move on with my life, whether I feel ready or not. Good things may be ending, but even better things are beginning! I am accomplishing my dreams and moving on in the world, and that is even more exciting than those things that are coming to a close. Life is so amazing!!! And my dear friends who are still in college and struggling through finals/gearing up for next semester... Please don't take it for granted. Because I miss it already!!

❤, Meagan

Mixed Feelings is When...

I really tried to think of a good title for this. Particularly a witty one. I failed. It's kind of just a random assortment of thoughts I've had over the last few days.

In the words of a wise professor: "Mixed feelings is when your mother-in-law drives your brand new Cadillac off of a cliff". I thought this was so funny, and it is probably one of my very favorite things to come out of the mouth of any of my professors last year.

This concept in general is just something that I've been thinking about lately. A few examples I have found in my life the past few days include (but are not limited to) :

- Remember that one song that you used to love? You know the one. The one that now reminds you of a particular person, so you skip it every time it comes up on your ipod? Yep, that one.

- You know those certain placess that have the power to make you happy/excited/sad/nostalgic all at the same time? I think we all have those. This broad range of feelings is because you think not only of all the amazing things that happened there, but also of how long ago that really was, and how much you miss the people that were there with you.

- One more thing. I know that we all have little rituals. Like... Kissing your hand and palming the roof when you run a yellow light, or knocking on wood to avoid jinxing yourself, right? Well there are those in particular which, to begin with, yeilded multiple positive results, but just one time proved for a negative and/or awkward experience. Every time the opportunity would present itself after that, you didn't do it. And every time you kicked yourself for remembering the bad and caring enough to pass it up.

Life is funny. It's unpredictable, and you can't control the way your mind connects things. So as a result one thing can remind you of like twelve others, but we can make the most of it!

Now every time that one song comes up I try to remember why I loved it in the first place, and instead of skipping it, turn up the volume and jam out like I used to. And when I drive past those places I loved... of course I reminisce, but I try to filter it so only the happy feelings get through and I can drive by with a smile. That way I can remember and enjoy those places that I loved all over again. And my silly little rituals? Well I figure if they used to be fun and exciting, Why shouldn't they still be? Now every time the opportunity presents itself I still hesitate; but then I do it anyway, just in case... :)

One bad experience can't define them all. We can choose how certain things effect us. Let's pick the positive result. :)
❤, Meagan