I Am Enough

Last year, as a new year's resolution I posted this blog post. In it I discussed how, instead of making new year's resolutions, I wanted to make monthly resolutions. I honestly forgot about them about halfway through the year, but looking back at that post and reading over it tonight struck me for a couple of reasons. As a refresher... Here's what I had.
I am.....
Productive
Kind
Talented
Patient
Brave
Spiritual
Adventurous
Strong
Joyful
Charitable
Thankful
Enough

January: I am Productive. I caught up on my grading, I tried not to stay at work too late doing pointless things, I kept up on my housework, etc. I was going to start this year strong!

February: I am Kind. I tried to respond more nicely to my students (I had a very frustrating class last year, and recognized my impatience with them.) I prayed for my hardest students, and tried to be more service-oriented.

March: I am Talented. I tried to learn a few new songs on the guitar, and practiced the piano more, to grow my talents a bit.

April: I am Patient. I think this is actually where I forgot to actively try for these goals each month. But honestly, every day of last school year was a lesson in patience. I think this is always something I can put more effort into, though. I am a notoriously impatient person when it comes to the smaller, inconsequential things.


May: I am Brave. I don't know that I did anything particularly brave this month, other than finishing what had been the hardest school year of my life up until this point. I feel like that requires a certain amount of bravery. Hahaha.

June: I am Spiritual. I remembered about these goals for a bit, and tried to focus on my scripture reading. I did pretty well for a little bit! This is one life goal that is always up and down for me.

July: I am Adventurous. I vacationed to Mexico, I parasailed, paddle boarded, and tried to make the most of my summer by making other small and random trips. I tried to be more open in my relationships, and had some undesirable adventures, mostly via bad dating experiences. But I learned a lot about myself, even though some of it led to painful learning experiences. 

--- Ok, starting about here I am not actively focused on these goals anymore, it is all retrospect and hindsight from here. 
August: I am Strong. Holy cow, I did not realize how much I would actually need to recognize my strength that month. That was one of the lowest months of my life up until that point! Thankfully I had AMAZING friends and roommates that helped me talk through my mess of emotions and remind me that I am strong. I am capable. And I am better than I give myself credit for.

September: I am Joyful. I was so joyful! I started dating someone. He was everything I thought I ever wanted. He was kind, chivalrous, and loved me when I felt scarred and completely unlovable. He pulled me from the depths of despair (if you can name that movie, we are kindred spirits). I fell for him so hard and so fast. I told him I loved him (in case you didn't know, that word is terrifying!) And it was a first for me. I was smitten, giddy, and happier than I think I ever had been.

October: I am Charitable. I probably didn't do as well with this as I could have, at least as far as serving everyone around me, but I did love providing for the person I was dating. I loved finding little ways to surprise him, and make his day better. I was the best girlfriend! (Self-proclaimed, but still, right? Haha.) Later we talked about this, and he did not feel that I was very service-oriented during the time we dated because I did not reach out to people in the ward. Honestly, I probably was a bit self-absorbed and lost in the moment, but I was just so over-the-moon happy with my life that I didn't care to look outside of it.

November: I am Thankful. I thought this was appropriate for November. It is easy to find the things you are grateful for around Thanksgiving time. This particular Thanksgiving, I was so wrapped up in my relationship, which honestly had started to get rocky by this point. We had been talking marriage (don't judge me for going so fast. Or do, because it's not really anyone's choice but mine anyway...) but his family was not on board. I had never been disliked by the family of anyone I was dating, and it killed me that it was coming from the family of the person that I wanted to marry! I felt unaccepted, and incompetent, because I couldn't figure out how to fix things, and I wanted nothing more than to be able to do that. There were so. many. teary-eyed nights. So. many. breakdowns that my roomates had to listen to and try to comfort me through. (Thank you, roomies. You are seriously the best, and I am so grateful for you!) But I pushed on with the relationship, because I am stubborn, and determined, and thought it was what was best for me.

December: I am Enough. Again, I was not actively focusing on these goals. Oh, how I should have been! I had lost myself completely in the hardships of life, in wallowing in work troubles, and most of all, in relationship drama. It was overwhelming! It took me 4 months or so after my relationship ended to realize this. Heck, I barely realized this a few weeks ago! I loved that he loved me. I loved who I thought I was going to become with his help. I loved what I thought he saw in me. I did not recognize the constant, every day stress I was feeling with trying to live up to what I thought his expectations were. I am not trying to pin everything on him, or blame him for anything. I still have respect for him, and think he is a wonderful person, but I think that I had misconstrued what he wanted from me, or who I needed to be for him. I think my efforts to make him happy and salvage things became unrealistic, and too much for me to keep up with, and it was incredibly unhealthy for my feelings of self-worth.

Now, moving forward, as 2018 is almost halfway over (what??) I have learned SO MUCH about myself. In this post about January I talked about how hard that month was. My relationship ended, and I completely fell apart. I had put ALL of my time and effort the last 4 months or so into building that relationship, and I no longer knew who I was without the promise of where I thought my future was going. I didn't know how to handle everything I was going through at work (and it was a lot) without someone to come home and vent to, or cuddle with, or cry on. So I cried by myself. A LOT. I didn't know what to do without the constant reassurance that someone loved me, and cared how my day went (I have amazing family and friends who I know would have provided this for me, but I was feeling my loss too much to recognize that fully at the time). I felt like, between work and my personal life, that I had lost everything good about my life all at once, and didn't know what to carry on for, or where to find the strength to do it. So I put my happy face on, and I struggled through one day at a time. I quickly realized that I needed to learn to love myself again without the love of a significant other as validation. I needed to learn to recognize the things about myself that are unique and awesome. I needed to realize that I am a masterpiece all by myself - that I am competent, and worthy of love and respect, and strong in and of myself, not because someone else built me up or made me feel that way. 

I have focused so much these past few months on doing what I need to do for me. My relationships do not define me, nor will they ever again. I have learned to put me first - because you cannot build others up, or even live a productive and healthy life until your life is in order. In an effort to pick myself up I ate all my favorite things without anyone telling me they were unhealthy. I bought whatever I wanted (within reason) because I was only providing for myself for the foreseeable future. I watched as much TV as I wanted without anyone telling me I needed to go out and be active. I went on an expensive vacation, which is usually not something I will justify spending lots of money on, but was much needed. I jumped on a cruise ship and fled the country. I visited Mexico, Honduras, and Belize. I didn't talk to children, I took lots of pictures, I made new friends, I enjoyed my own company, and I just let myself be Me! It had been a long time since I was unapolagetically me, without anyone else in mind. And you know what?? All of these things helped me to heal. Almost 6 months after my world came crashing down around me, I can say that I LOVE my life again. I love who I am. I love where I am. I love what I have accomplished. I am not scared of my choices or insecure about my faults anymore. I am just Me. And I AM ENOUGH! Please, know that you are too. :)
❤, Meagan

Attitude of Gratitude! 2015

It's been a little while since I have posted (says every blog post I have ever written). I wanted to take a minute today to reflect on the things in my life that are wonderful. I really do have a lot of them, even if they're hard to notice sometimes.

I did an activity with my students this week where we wrote things that we are grateful for on little leaf cutouts and put them up all around the classroom. I had so much fun reading all of the things that they are grateful for, and now the classroom looks so festive and colorful! Here is a comprehensive list of all the things that they mentioned - spelling and grammar not corrected, and multiples included. 

Food

My family

My food

I am thankful for my friends

For holiday

I am thankful for a dog. And a bed.

Frends

My food and football

I am greatful for a dog, family, and a house with food

Toys

My life

Food and drinks espicily Spite

Clothes

Food

I am thankful for a house

Family

For money

Gardens

Im thankfull for basketball

Im thankfull for my family

Close (clothes)

Im thankfull for close

God

Really, look! It says God! 4 said God and one said allah. I loved it. :)

For family

I am thankfull for food

Food

Family

Family

I am thankful for my dog

Helping mis Jarding

Clothes

God

Help my mom

Food

My mom

And clen up my room

Gods (pretty sure they meant God)

Helping other pepol

Im thankful for food

Amimal’s

I thankful for everything

I am thankful for my family

Family

My house

Clothes house

Food

Family

My dad

Life

Gods

Dogs

Food

I’m thanckfull for food

I’m thanckfull for my dog

I’m thanckfull for my cat.

I’m thanckfull for my famley.

Food

Family and shoes

My family

Drinks and clothes

Parents

Pencils

Tree

House

Food

Games

My home

Shet (I don't think this is supposed to be naughty, but I have no idea what it is really supposed to say. Any ideas??)

I am thankful for piling up leaves with cousins and my brother. And eating junk food with them.

I’m thankful for my Aunt for cooking the turkey and having us over.

I’m thankful for football season.

I’m so thankful for hanging out with cousins.

I’m thankful 4 my family

I’m thankful 4 Ms. Jardine (bonus points for her!)

I’m thankful for being a muslim. (I loved this one. I have some cool cultures in my class)

I’m thankful for allah.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

I am thankful for sweet students, and the reminder to be appreciative of the little things, like pencils, leaf piles, and trees. I LOVE my job this year. I love my school, because I actually feel appreciated. I love my co-workers, and I love my students because they respect me. They are kind to each other, and make me feel so important and loved! I have just been waiting for a school year that I would enjoy as much as this one.

Now I know you have all been wondering what I contributed to our wall of gratitude leaves. Here are mine, which are maybe slightly less inspirational than my students':

My students loved the junk food one (my new girl that I got on Monday informed me that I am addicted to Dr. Pepper on only the 2nd day of her being in my class. Has this reached problem status yet?? Haha) They also questioned me on the cats one. Notice that none of them wrote cats on theirs, but there are several that say dogs. I am a little outnumbered! 

Anyway... Some things that I did not list that I am grateful for (because... you know, separation of church and state and whatnot) include: The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, and a Heavenly Father that comforts, watches over me and makes sure that I am not alone during my most difficult trials. I do love my life, and the Gospel that I am privileged to be a part of.

My friend sent me a quote about gratitude the other day. Here it is: "Gratitude is a mark of a noble soul and a refined character. We like to be around those who are grateful. They tend to brighten all around them. They make others feel better about themselves. They tend to be more humble, more joyful, more likable."
He said that I am this type of person and it made my day, because I have felt like a bit of a downer and a whiner lately. I think this is a great reminder that you are usually doing better than you feel you are. I know that this quote speaks truth. Thank you so much to each of you that have been a bright spot and support in my life. Keep it up! Continue to brighten those around you, and be that likable person. The world is a better place because of you. :) 

Happy Thanksgiving!
♥, Meagan

I Am Stronger Than I Thought

I honestly think that this past month has been the hardest of my life. I have been busier than ever before. I moved out of my parents' house into what ended up being a bad situation that I couldn't stay in, then moved back in during the first week of school while getting used to being at a new school, getting to know my students, learning new routines, and getting my feet off the ground. There were deadlines that I was struggling to meet, and circumstances outside of my control were preventing me from doing that. A few relationships in my life felt like they were crumbling, and I didn't know how to save them. I was stressed not only with work, but with my calling, and honestly, just life in general. I felt like everything was falling apart. Nothing seemed to be going right, and just when I thought the trial that I was enduring was the last one that I could possibly handle, another one would come along, and I would be that much more overwhelmed. Trial after trial stacked up and I shouldered them all, feeling like any moment I should just topple over and admit defeat.

Hardly anyone, regardless of how close they are to me, will ever see me cry. I do not like feeling like I am not in complete control of myself and my emotions, so I tend to stifle them. However, when life throws as many curveballs at you as it did me these last few weeks, it is just not possible to pretend that you're not hurting. Those close friends of mine that normally lean on me got to be on the receiving end of phone calls where they picked up, and I was immediately a blubbering mess. It was alarming for me to be this emotional. I went through a week where I had an emotional meltdown accompanied by hysterical sobbing every single day. On one such day, I called my friend and I told her that I have never been the "crying friend." I didn't know how to ask for comfort instead of give it, and it had been causing me tons of stress and anguish.

My typical role in life is the steady friend. I have always been the one that doesn't get emotional; that person that is known for always being chipper and smiling, and able to brighten someone else's day. I have always loved that I could be that support for people, but I have not felt like that person this last little while. In fact, it was exhausting to try to be her. As a result, I have recently learned that when people ask how you are doing it is ok to admit that you are struggling. It is ok to unload, and to ask for advice, and even (heaven forbid!) to cry sometimes. Those are not things that I have been willing to do before, but I learned.

Another friend was asking me a week or so ago why life can be so hard when you are trying so hard yourself. He was frustrated because he felt like he was doing everything right, and everything was still falling apart around him. He felt anxiety over his calling, over his family, over his job, and also over other relationships in his life. I knew exactly what he was going through. It seemed to parallel my own life perfectly. I told him that I think that life is the hardest when you are the toughest. God knows what you can handle, and He would never overload you. Then I realized how wise I sounded, and that up until then I probably wouldn't have believed those words from someone else. I needed to apply my counsel in my own life. Then, I realized that it was all going to be ok. I could get through this.

This has been the lock screen on my phone for a month or so now.
You are strong enough!

I think that Heavenly Father waits to give you the hardest trials until you are doing what you are supposed to and giving extra time to the Church. That way you will have the spiritual strength to handle what is being thrown at you, because if you weren't so strong in the Church at that moment then how on Earth would you handle it all?

Now, I'm not telling you all this so that you can feel bad for me. I don't want pity. I pretty much just want to vent, and then share what I've learned while going through it all. So here goes: I have learned that it is just as important to support others as it is to ask for others' help. You need to let others in. Share not only happy moments with them, but difficult ones as well. Don't be afraid to give others that chance to be the strong one, and to help you out when you are hurting. I've realized that our challenges can be as much for those around us as they are for us sometimes. I have also learned that God is there. I knew this before, but it was reaffirmed to me so many times throughout these trials. He loves us immensely - more than we will ever understand. He knows exactly what we are going through, because he suffered for our pains and anguish already, through the atonement. His suffering wasn't just for our sins. It was to cover all the pain we would experience in this life, including emotional pains. He knows perfectly what we are going through, because he has experienced it and He is there to help us get through it. He just wants us to remember to ask Him for help. I have learned that sometimes I have to admit that even I can't do everything by myself, as much as I want to be able to.

After all these lessons, the biggest take-away that I found in all of this is that, as I mentioned above, God only gives us what He knows we can handle. So while I may feel broken, I'm not. I'm really just stronger than I thought I was.

Happy Sunday. :)
❤, Meagan

A Small Bit of Perfection

I've kind of been in a funk the last few days. Life hasn't gone as planned, and I've had things I've wanted to work on, and felt like I just kept falling short of where I wanted to be.

But... I met with my bishop yesterday for tithing settlement, and after I told him that I am a full tithe-payer, he told me that I should take a moment to be proud of myself. He looked right at me and said "Even if there are other things you are struggling with, or want to work on... Take comfort in the fact that in this one thing you are perfect." That was such a pick-me-up! I had never thought about it that way before, and it really helped me to see that as a whole, I am far from perfect, but I do have small bits of perfection mixed in.

I think we all have a tendency to pick out the things we don't like about ourselves, and focus on our downfalls. We get so caught up in the things that we are not good at that we forget to notice and celebrate the things about us that are "perfect". Maybe I'll make that a New Year's resolution - to try and notice more good things about myself. I think life would be a little happier.

I love you all! Don't forget to notice those things that are perfect about you. And if you are having a hard time figuring out what they are, ask someone. I would be glad to provide a quick ego boost to anyone who needs it. :)
♥, Meagan

A Vision of Summer (Friends, Family, Parks, Swimming, and Picnics!)

Lately I have realized that I believe you have to make it through the mundane in order to get to the amazing - the things you really love. I feel like that's what this summer has been about for me. I am learning to work first and play later, which should be my mantra, but all too often is not. My summer started out like this:

Lamination has become the bane of my existence pretty much.

Because of the seemingly endless amounts of cutting, creativity, and writing of lesson plans that has been required of me this summer I have definitely had a woe-is-me, I'm so busy I don't even know what to do with myself attitude about summer so far. But don't worry, because I have recently stepped back and reevaluated things. I have actually had way more fun than I realized along the way. So without further adieu, here are a few of my summer shenanigans!! 

In the process of all this lovely craziness I have decided that SUMMER IS FOR....

...Saran Wrap! Ok, maybe not just Saran Wrap. I think it was the amazing people that I had the time to bond with (see what I did there?) while wrapped in it. I have really missed the social aspect of Provo and BYU, and I had the chance a few weeks ago to spend a few nights in Provo. In another post I mentioned being Saran wrapped to a bunch of other people, and true to form I took forever to get pictures up. But behold: It was fantastic fun. :)

We are having so much
fun! (Lisa is hidden in the back
where you can't see her.)

Robbie is a beast! And I was
falling over (as much as
possible while attached
to 4 other people.)

The aftermath. :)

...Parks! Summer is a time of graduation and celebration. But also lots and lots of playing. Preferably on playgrounds. Who says I have to be a grown up in order to have a big kid job? 

Don't let my happy face fool you. This was a VERY painful experience.
But a cute picture!

COUSINS!! As close as this pretty girl lives,
I do not see her nearly enough!

...Swimming! Going swimming is always the highlight of my summer. Sadly, I have only had the chance to go once this year. But I plan to make time for much more of that. :)

A new swimsuit definitely warranted a cheesy selfie.

...Pretty flowers! I love watching all the roses bloom on my mom's rosebushes. They brighten my day every time I walk through the yard. :)

They went from this....

.....to this in a matter of days! Amazing!

...Picnics!! Picnics are my favorite! I love taking the time to go enjoy the sunshine and eat in the grass with people I love.

We went on a Sunday picnic!
And waded in the creek. :)

I super love this picture. :) 

Summer is also for... Sandals! And soda! And pretty green grass. :) And baseball games! I don't usually love baseball, but we go every year for a company party for my dad. This year I enjoyed it more than usual. I think it's probably because I've been so stressed with getting ready for my internship. I've had some big due dates in the last week or so and since I got it all done I FINALLY had time to kick back and relax a bit. I think I forgot what that was like. :)

I think the scariest part of my summer internship planning is over (at least for now... fingers crossed) but we all know it only gets worse from here. So in the mean time I am going to make time for more fun things! So far all I have is Lagoon on my agenda. We are going next week for a daddy/daughters day! But other than that? I am very open to suggestions. Bring on summer. :)

Wait a minute! My post wouldn't be complete without a song now, would it? Here is one that I have really been enjoying lately. (For obvious seasonal reasons).

"I like blue skies and hot nights, kisses by the firelight... 

Just like summertime. 

And I like cold sips of soda, picnics on the corner... 

Just like summertime!"

Summertime is my absolute favorite. I love you all, I miss my Provo friends like crazy, and as always... life is so good!

❤, Meagan

I'm a Big Kid Now!

Contrary to the slogan I stole for my title, the purpose of this post is not to announce that I am finally potty-trained. Fortunately, that happened a LONG time ago. Although... speaking of being a little baby... Yesterday my parents and I were in a total panic because my birth certificate was missing. I needed to get my license renewed before Saturday (my birthday!) and my parents had misplaced it. I was all paranoid that the DMV wouldn't accept my other "unofficial" one that we had used my whole life, and I would have to be driven around like a 12-year-old until we could get me a new one. And I was frustrated that my existence/old driver's license would not have been enough to prove that I was 1) BORN, and 2) Who I say I am. So we ordered a new one last night ($42.50! Who knew that shipping on a single piece of paper can cost $19?? Ridiculous.) In the mean-time I was going to just try my luck with the unofficial one.

Anyway... Today I did a lot of grown-up real world things. Like go to new employee orientation for my teaching job! (Guess what I found in the envelope with my social security card when they made a copy of that? You guessed it, my birth certificate. Holy cow.) After that I went and got my picture taken for my teacher ID badge, which I should get in a few days. Then I went to the DMV and got my license renewed. I get a horizontal one this time. I'm a real grown-up now! Now I can go clubbing "at-a-glance". Not that I will... But my picture this time is far better than the last one, so I guess that's good. Since I accomplished all of this before noon, I treated myself to lunch at Costa Vida. Yum! I love that place. :) Then I came home and napped for an hour. One of these days I will even tackle the growing pile of laundry in my closet.

I never reported on the PRAXIS! That was an interesting experience. I had to either wear short sleeves or pull up my sleeves for the test administrators. And I wasn't wearing socks, so I didn't have to pull up my pant legs like everyone else. I did have to leave my jacket and purse in a locker, though, write a whole paragraph pledging to be ethical (in cursive! Those of you who wonder why you have to learn cursive in 3rd grade because you only ever write your name with it?... That is why, apparently. It is "harder to forge. Especially a whole paragraph." I'm pretty sure it took me a lot longer than it should have) and I got metal detector wanded, signed my name to enter, had my picture taken,  and was personally walked to my seat by one of the test center workers. It was super quiet in there, and there were cameras on the ceiling. It was quite an intimidating atmosphere. However, I actually did REALLY well. :) I think I got a perfect score on the math part! I felt like the real test was much easier than the practice ones that I took online. I had no reason to be so scared! It felt so good to finally be done with it after dreading it for months (and paying $150 for a computerized test. Also ridiculous.)

One more thing - I went to a meeting for my internship on Friday, and the facilitator that I was working with informed me that I am WAY ahead on planning at this point. So my weeks of being stressed and overwhelmed have totally paid off! I was super relieved. Probably a little too relieved, because I haven't actually worked on anything for it since then. Oops!

I hope all of your lives are wonderful, and I will try to go back to writing at least once a week. (I guess it's only been 3 weeks since my last post. That's not too bad, right?) I'm a slacker. Between nannying and internship prep I haven't actually had much downtime this summer. Regardless... Life is great! Busy, but oh so good. :)
❤, Meagan

BYU, the Final Chapter!

It is officially here... The day that I have looked forward to for the last 4 years. And now I am dreading it? Something is wrong with me.

Every single college "first" was so exciting! I remember feeling like such a grown up the first time I payed rent, the first night that I spent away from home in my very own permanent residence, the first time I went grocery shopping and bought whatever I wanted without someone questioning my spending habits (it would have been very helpful for someone to question my spending habits these last 4 years), the first time I left my apartment at like 1 in the morning and didn't have to tell anyone where I was going, my first day of classes, my first college test (not so exciting once I saw my score), my first finals week, my first calling that wasn't in the Young Women organization (relief society pianist - surprise, surprise!), and everything else! It was so exhilarating!

The time really has flown. I remember feeling like college was soooooo long, and I would never be done. And "holy cow, 4 years is forever... It's like high school all over again!" But, the difference was... I hated high school. College has been the best part of my life so far. If I could freeze time right now and not really have to be done I might just do that. Living in Provo has been so good for me. I have grown so much as a person, both spiritually and in my education. And I have met tons of special and wonderful people that have given me so much happiness and good memories!

All of my college "lasts" have also been exciting, don't get me wrong, but they are sad as well! Samantha (my little sister) asked me a few weeks ago if I was excited to be working on one of my last ever final projects and I said no. She looked at me like I was crazy, and I said "Because that means that I am almost done with college!" She was like... "And you don't want to be?" Me: "No!" 

These last few weeks I payed my last rent check, GOT AN INTERNSHIP (Yay!), had my last college class, took my last final (just today, actually), and last night as I was laying in bed talking with my roommate at 2 in the morning about laser hair removal... hahaha... I realized that I only have a few more days of that! I love random 2am conversations with the roommates, and I am now almost done with my college roommate experience! I have had so many ups and downs in that area, but mostly ups... So I am sad to be done with that, too!

Anyway... As mixed as my feelings about everything are, I know that it is time that I move on with my life, whether I feel ready or not. Good things may be ending, but even better things are beginning! I am accomplishing my dreams and moving on in the world, and that is even more exciting than those things that are coming to a close. Life is so amazing!!! And my dear friends who are still in college and struggling through finals/gearing up for next semester... Please don't take it for granted. Because I miss it already!!

❤, Meagan

Moving Up in the World!

I apologize for not writing more during practicum. I usually have lots of funny stories and happy moments to share because of the kids, but this practicum I didn't have a ton of those. I felt like it was a very stressful and unhappy month for me, and I try not to write about things that will bog people down. So instead I counted down the days until it was over and hoped for happier things to share. And now I have some!

Alright, folks... Most of you may know this already, but I GOT AN INTERNSHIP!!! I realized I addressed my nerves in the last post, but I couldn't leave all of my avid readers (not sure I actually have any of those) hanging! And I am so excited I just want to tell anyone who will listen. Or read. :)

I will be teaching 3rd grade at Riverton Elementary School! An internship fills the same requirements as student teaching, but instead of being in someone else's classroom I have my very own classroom and receive half salary. Since it is my own classroom, I will be there for the whole year rather than just one semester. I am also on a year-round schedule, so the first day of school will be July 25th, which is super soon. I got offered the intern position last Wednesday, but I didn't know much information until today when my principal called me to let me know some details.

So my day went like this... I was super stoked to go to devotional for the first time in over a month, and one of the Special Education professors was speaking, so I knew it would be great. As soon as I found my friend and sat down, I got a phone call. Recognizing it as from somewhere back home I went out to the hall to answer it. It was the principal of the school I am doing my internship at! He had called to inform me of what grade I would be teaching. When I asked what track (between A and B) he said that since I was the first intern hired, and he will be hiring another one tomorrow that he will let me pick first and the other intern will get what is left over. I was excited, because I wanted A track. That way I will get out of school in June instead of July. (Those of you who are not familiar with the year-round track system this calendar will give you a good idea of what I am talking about.)

We had a little conversation about other expectations and how I will likely be rotating classrooms every time I go off track. But... There is actually an incentive to that. Apparently I get an extra $100 every time I have to do this. Win! After our little discussion he welcomed me aboard and said that the secretary would be getting in touch with me soon.

And she did! She called me about half an hour later and asked for some information so that she could sign me up for "New teacher orientation"! I am so official!! Now that I have some more information about this whole thing it is getting so real! I am so incredibly excited, but also nervous! I'm not really sure when I grew up enough to be in charge of helping to shape 25 young peoples' futures.

Anyway... From our short conversation, my principal seems very nice, and I am looking forward to working with him. (And hopefully a friend, if the other intern is someone that I get along well with.) Life is really looking up and I am definitely moving up in the world. :)

Also look at this website. It's my future home. So excited!!! :)
❤, Meagan

6th Grade. . . Again?!

As many of you are aware, I started my second and last practicum on Friday! I was nervous because this one is in 6th grade, which is very different from my last one in 1st grade. I absolutely loved the younger grades, and worried that I would not do as well in the upper ones.

One thing I was worried about is that I wouldn't be "cool" to the 6th graders. I know, I know, you don't have to be their friend, just be their teacher... Blah, blah. But it's nice if they actually like you, not just tolerate you because they have to respect authority.

I was also concerned that I wouldn't know how to connect to these students. I feel like my forte is with the younger kids. I've always babysat younger kids, and they have a tendency to just latch onto me right away. I love their unending energy and excitement, and their unconditional love. I was convinced that 6th grade wouldn't be able to match up to that.

On Friday, though, the teacher put some music on, and all of the kids started freaking out and getting excited because it was Imagine Dragons. I LOVE Imagine Dragons! Immediately following this I got several compliments on my nails, and even one on my handwriting. :) Right away I knew that I was going to like it better than I thought.

Today I gave my introductory lesson, and just showed the students a bunch of pictures of me and my friends, and silly things I've done. When I told the students that I liked going to Jazz games and showed them pictures I took at one, one boy jumped up and said "I LOVE the Jazz! Gordon Hayward!" I agreed that Hayward is obviously the best, and then showed them the picture from the Jazz game Friday night where I got to sit right down by the court with my family to watch warmups and got an autograph from and a picture with Hayward! This kid's mouth just dropped and he shouted something along the lines of how awesome that was and that he was jealous. After this I asked if they had any questions, and the same kid asked me what type of music I like. I told him Imagine Dragons, and he was quite excited. He then proceeded to inform me that his name was          (I'm not actually sure if I'm allowed to say his name or not) and that he is "awesome." Self-proclaimed, but it must be true, right? :)

After my little picture show the teacher gave a speech about how the kids need to listen to me, and whatever I assign they have to do, because I am going to be giving them grades on it. The same kid from before jumped up and proclaimed that "She likes Imagine Dragons, the Jazz, and Hayward. I'll do whatever she asks!"

Win. I think I'm going to like it here. :)
❤, Meagan

. . . And I'm a Mormon :)

Life has really taken a turn for the better lately. Let me just tell you why. Yesterday I spent 13 hours on campus between classes, a group project and individual homework. Ridiculous, right? But... I can honestly say that I feel happier and less stressed than I have in weeks. These last few weeks I've sort of been in a funk. I have been so stressed and exhausted, and while I am still exhausted (like always) I have realized that the more productive I am in schoolwork and the rest of my life, and the more I do for others, the happier I am.

Less than 2 short days ago I posted on here about how I am going to start being brave and living my religion more publicly. That very night at ward prayer they announced that Family Home Evening the next day was going to be making Mormon.org profiles. This is something that would normally terrify me. (It still does, that's why it took me so long to make one.) I could have claimed that the 13 hours I spent on campus yesterday wiped me out and I was simply too exhausted to go on, but... In light of my new resolution I decided to just go for it. You can now see where I came from, what I stand for and exactly what I believe publicly, right here!

Happy reading. :)
❤, Meagan

I ♥ Snogging? :)

Since I was back in South Jordan today, it was supposed to be laundry day (It did not end up happening.) But...I definitely wore this shirt in public today.

Surprisingly, I didn't get too many funny looks (that I noticed, at least), no creepy offers, and only had to explain what snogging meant once... which was slightly embarrassing. I'm glad I decided a while ago not to give much credence to what other people think of me. Life is more fun that way. :)
❤, Meagan

Pandora is my Best Friend

I'm pretty sure no one reads my blog, but I like writing in it anyway. I find that I figure my thoughts out better in writing.

That being said... I don't know why I am so obsessed with this song. Pandora enlightened me to the beauty that is now an obsession of a pretty piano part and soft gorgeous singing. I may have listened to it like 10 times in the last 2 days. SO GOOD! I feel like it connects to my life in so many ways. I know it is sort of sad, but it also sounds really hopeful to me. If you don't love it as much as me, then sorry for wasting your time, but I wanted to share. :) 

Maybe I should start a music blog or something. I sure share a lot of songs. 

I hope your days were wonderful. 

Lots of love!

❤, Meagan

A Letter From the Past

I found this cool website last year called FutureMe.org. It is a website where you can write a letter to your future self and pick the date that you want it delivered. I didn't think it would work, but thought it would be a fun thing to try either way, so I wrote myself a letter and set the delivery date for a year from that day. I completely forgot about it until yesterday when I received an email with the following:

The following is an e-mail from the past, composed 11 months and 30 days ago, on January 02, 2012. It is being delivered from the past through FutureMe.org

Dear FutureMe,
I really hope that this new year has been full of happiness and change. Change is not normally something that I would wish on myself, but I've kind of felt like I've been stagnating lately. I hope that I have stretched myself and striven to become better in my weak areas, especially in gaining a stronger testimony. I hope that I have seized every opportunity to step outside my comfort zone and accomplish something amazing. Or even just plain fun. Let's hope this new year is void of regrets and "what if"s. Live and let live!
~ Me
Also - I wouldn't mind a boyfriend at some point. Just sayin'... ;)

I was so amused! I think I will write another one. And this time... since the boyfriend thing came and went already, maybe I will ask myself for a husband. ;)
❤, Meagan

My Life is So Good. :)

Sorry for the long delay, folks! But I am back, and with lots to say. Hopefully I'll remember to update this a bit more frequently.

Something that has been on my mind a lot lately is self-improvement. I think that no matter how good we are, we still get down on ourselves about the way we are living our lives and those certain obstacles that we just can't seem to hurdle. However, I recently had an experience that made me look at life's challenges in a whole new light.

I went to institute with Sam a couple of weeks ago and the guy that was teaching the lesson, Paul, kept saying that "my life is way better than I deserve." And in that moment it hit me how true that statement really was, and that it is quite applicable to my life as well. I wonder if maybe God has decided to try a new approach with me. Rather than trying to refine me by challenges, maybe he is giving me everything that I want and hoping that I will rise to the occasion. When my life is good, I think that I try harder to be a good person. In essence, I want to live worthy of the blessed life that I lead. I really do love my life and those in it, and I am so incredibly grateful to have such a kind, loving, and watchful Father in Heaven. Here's to becoming better, and to working hard to live up to the wonderful life He has given me. :)
❤, Meagan

Let Your Light So Shine! :)

I wrote this a few weeks ago, and it's kind of just been hanging out in my drafts ever since. But I wanted to share it because of how happy it made me at the time. I was going to post on the day I found out, just so my captivated blog audience could see both my agitatated (With two at's apparently) and excited extremes. But alas, I am awful at blogging. Even worse than I am at keeping a journal. Or writing friends back, which I really need to do. But, that's not the point... So, back to the good news, but first: story time.
      I have this friend... We were best friends in high school, but then I moved away and he is sort of really bad at keeping in touch. So one day when I'm back in my old home town, I decide to show up and surprise him. Very very bad idea. Nothing is worse than finding your best friend smoking pot with his hoodlum friends and finding out that since you have left he has become dependent on drugs and alcohol. I was devastated, and I couldn't stick around and talk to him, especially not like that. So I left. He texted for a few days, and I thought we were actually going to stay in touch this time. Especially after he told me how much he missed me and how he was going to change his life so he wouldn't be that person that I had found the night before. But that ended quickly and I didn't hear from him for months afterwards. Occasionally we would have a brief chat on facebook, but those were few and far between.
     Sorry for the depressing story after claiming to have good news. Here is the good news. :) So... A month or so ago when I was making the frequent drive between South Jordan and Provo, I decided to call him. I knew this was a long shot, since it had been so long since I'd heard from him (about 2 years!); but he actually picked up! He told me how happy he was to hear from me, because he was right in the middle of some chaotic things, and he was able to confide in me and get things figured out. We had a conversation that lasted about an hour and half, much longer than the drive took. I got to talk to my best friend again. He told me all about how he has quit doing those harmful things, and he has turned his life around. When I left that town he was an Atheist, and sometimes even gave me grief over my religious beliefs. But now? Now he goes to church, too! Not my church, but church nonetheless. He told me all about how he reads the Bible, and how happy that makes him, and how he just wants to share it with everyone. I was so happy to hear that. I knew that my worries and prayers in his behalf had been answered. He had turned his life around. :)
     Are you ready for the best part? The best part is: He said it was all because of me. He said that me showing up that night was just what he needed. He needed a wake up call, a metaphorical slap-in-the-face. He made the analogy of the little angel and devil. You know... The ones who sit on your shoulder and whisper in your ears? Yep, those. He told me that I am the little angel on his shoulder. When he wants to fall back into his old ways he thinks of me and what I would do.
     The next day I was pretty much floating on air. I just had this big silly grin and wanted to hug everyone I saw. I got some notes from friends after ward prayer that night, one saying I was the sunshine in his life (Cheesy, but aww!) and one saying that when she was around me she was always so much happier. These just added to my good mood, because I always try to stay upbeat and positive in the hopes it will rub off on those around me. I want to be that person that people like being around. And it seemed like when I needed that affirmation the most I got it in multiple doses. Now I know that my efforts have payed off. I do touch other people, and I do influence them, and in a good way!
      I guess the moral of this story is that you never know what impression you are making on others. So reach out! Make friends. Be there for people. And let your light shine! :) I love you all so much, thanks for letting me be a part of your life!
❤, Meagan

Everything Will Be Wonderful Someday :)

So... I realized that I have not updated my blog since my last woe-is-me post. This is just to say that life doesn't always suck. Actually, it's rather fantastic right now. In a week and a half I will be finished with finals, and a few days later I'll be all moved home with the family. I can't believe this school year is almost over. When did I get grown up enough to be halfway done with college? Haha. :)
     A few people, upon hearing of my great distress which resulted in my last blog post, jumped right in to make my life a little better. My mom sent me a care package. Or a happy package? Haha. I like that. It had a sweet little card in it, and some chocolate and a bright blue t-shirt with this huge smiley face on it. It was super cute and it brightened my spirits a lot. My friend Ash sent me a card too. It was fun to get unexpected mail twice in one week. I'm so glad to know that I have special people in my life that I can count on when things get tough. :) I certainly do have some amazing people in my life.
     And now for a short recap: Lots of things, mostly good, have happened in my life since my last blog post. I have come to terms with all the changes that made me so unhappy previously. While they are not ideal, I will make the best of them, because that's what I do. I'm that notorious "glass half full" person. In the last month or so I have aced a few tests, done badly on a few others, gotten an A on that paper that stressed me out so much, made new friends, had some grand adventures, and spent lots of time with family. All in all... I can say that life is wonderful! :) Which reminds me of a song... I love this song. Listen to it when you're unhappy. And remember: "You've got to look yourself in the eye and say 'I am wonderful!'"
❤, Meagan

From Bad to Ice Cream

So far my week has been full of frustration. And it's only Monday. What, you may ask, has me stressed this early in the week? Well, I am going to answer you!

- Firstly, assignments that you totally gave precedence over others and took you forever to do (as in a whole Saturday) being postponed a month. Then having to complete the others with not much time to do it in.
- Finally learning you got accepted into your major, and being happy for an hour or so until you go talk to an advisor, where you are told that the class that has been the bane of your existence all semester is now no longer required. As well as half of the classes you took last semester, and the feeling that this whole school year has been a waste of time.
- Realizing that next semester your major wants you in 18 credits, and the 15 you have now is already almost too much to handle.
- Upon realizing how burned out you currently are, you then realize that you are going to be in college for a whole year longer than planned.... Also add to this a huge homework load and visiting teaching on the last night of the month.
- Calling your older sister and crying for 45 minutes can help a little though. Except for then being completely exhausted since crying is such an energy sapper.

But, after all this... You know what helps ease some of the frustration? And maybe even makes you forget about the bad things for a little bit? A caring roommate who sees you're upset and takes you out for your favorite kind of ice cream. (Actually I took her, as I am the one with the car) But she bought mine, and I was happy. Chocolate brownie ice cream has a way of making life better, if only for a little while.

❤, Meagan